L-U-C-K-Y

sometimes i'd rather alone, weird ppl i am. yea, i am.
but to be alone, you could find ur own space, within the small space u can think alot,watever shit u wan, u think.
So, sometimes i walk alone, shop alone.
today, i shop alone, again. Not typical shopping, but juz buying some stuffs, like food....grocery.
another reason makes me shop alone is, after dinner i feel very full, and yet dun wan to sit down, coz it contributs to tummy!

when i back from tesco, many tings flash through my mind, good and bad, happy and sad.
AT THIS MOMENT.....it started rainning....><
i was carrying 2 big bags, quite heavy...
and suddenly, wind blow from my back, with rains together, it is freezing at tat moment, but the wind blowing me from back........
suppose i should feel bad of raining when u r alone carrying tings going back, but i dont. I laugh.

Adult, need to responsible for what they have chosen and done-- just as i went shop alone, at nite, altough the sky is bright, i choose it, so when rainign, i cant blame, i know it might rain one...but i insist to go, so?

there is always a way out, as the wind blown me from back, eventually it was pushing me moving forward from my back^^ but soon, it is gone. i knwo when im in trouble there must be a way out, as i always tell my fren, everyting has a solution, but it is depends on how much u wan to pay for the solution. maybe someone pop put to help, as the wind blow me frm behind, but i cant depends on the HELP forever, if the wind doesnt dissapear, kip on blowing, it might cause problem for others; same ting, if i rely on the help, it might not a good thing for thigns around.

In the end, before i reach home, it was still raining, but, i saw a rainbow^^

周惠-不想让你知道

三天了
已经第三天了
每一天都至少一次
眼泪加面包的滋味
真不好受。

再见

心真的受伤了。。。。。。
外表多坚强，你off了之后，还是哭了。
可笑的，还是包容着你。

句点. full stop

‘你还有很多东西还没回答我，还有好多问题在我脑海’

‘什么事？’

‘我问了，你没回答。。。’

婕西懂了，懂他问什么。
‘对，是他’

简的疑问终于得到回答，其实他知道答案已久，只是想得到她的答案，是；也好；不是；更好。只不过他没想到他会接受不来。按耐已久的情绪，一刹那，像吹涨的气球轻轻的被利器一碰---
碰！！！！崩溃了。。。 失控的情绪蒙蔽了他的理智，脑子里想到什么，就骂什么。脑袋，在这个时候也失去了它应有的思考功能，不堪入耳的责怪从他那跟失禁没什么两样的口不停喷出。不加思考和失禁的责问，除了令婕西难以下台，难以招架之外，也难以相信。她一直以为简会是理智的，会理解的，不是像一般男人一样，一旦分手就翻脸不认人。她一直不希望和任何人结怨，尤其是陪她走过一段时间，曾经想过付托终身的人。简说的每一句话，每一句责问，就像烧红的铁往她身上烙下一个一个的伤疤。为什么。。。。。？接下来的每一秒钟，婕西就重复着这问号。招架着简的责问的同时，她也在尝试寻找答案，为什么会这样。答案还没找到，简利锐的问题又来了。

‘我们多年的感情才结束你就结交另一个了？？？有可能吗？还是你们早就有奸情只是我笨，被蒙在鼓里？？’

‘真的是分手了我们才在一起的。’

‘$#%@$^&$#*__)^%#@!#$&)(%%#%$ ’
‘我在你眼中就只是一堆垃圾吗？’
‘少来这套！你们根本早就有一腿的！我真笨！妈的！’

‘我就知道你们都会说我是出轨，但是我没有。’

‘懒叫！ 你认为我会相信吗？什么两年时间？？？我真的相信你会有那么一天，开始用心工作，结果？？？？？？？？？？？？你真的让我很失望！’

婕西傻了一下。失望？又是失望？都是这样吗？为什么每一个都对她失望？
原来要不让人失望，就得让自己死死撑下去？明知道条路走不下去，还得往前走？这样，就会不失望吗？原来要不让人失望，首先自己要先绝望。心冷了，却不想互相扯破脸皮，他生气，自己就得冷静，两座火山只会燃起更熊烈的火。

‘你爱怎样想就怎样想吧。。。我控制不来。’

‘每个人都说你是出轨的！’

‘我说；我没有。’

‘我真白痴！还相信你会回来！真的用心去工作！真笨！’

‘劝你用心工作时为你好啊。。。。’

‘废话！’
‘妈的’
‘全是废话！你真的令我很失望！彻底的失望！’

‘失望就因为我叫你用心工作？假如有缘再续？

简冷笑。转用他擅长的尖酸，一针一句的。。。讽刺。

‘噢，是吗？不会。。没有有缘再续的。4年感情你说放就放，而且还火速找另一个。哦。。。不，可能这不是第一个，之前应该还有吧？应该很多吧？ 我只不过是什么？路过罢了嘛。。。我那配得起你？我不好看，我矮，我没钱，没事业，傻嗨~他应该很有钱吧？不然你会要吗？’

婕西可以怎样？深呼吸，是目前她可以做的事
‘冷静想，我那里错了？’
她不过为自己想，为家人想。。。

‘没啦！你那有错？都是我。都是我的错，全都是我的错！’

‘之前我一直有告诉你问题所在，希望你有所改变，但是。。。。’

‘噢。。。对呵？借口！一切都是你借口！’

‘你在责怪自己，其实就是用另一种形式责怪我，让我难过。’

‘我没有改变？你懂我分手那段日子多难熬吗？我真是傻嗨！还给你100%的自由！100%的相信你！自由~~好咯。。。我真是傻嗨！我真的是傻嗨！’

‘是你自己说要自由，同样你也会给我自由啊！为什么分手后的结局一定要有吵架？’

‘我不敢！我那敢跟你吵！’

‘也就是说，你已经一口咬定我是出轨，我下贱。。。’

‘你敢说你不是，敢说你没有？’

婕西真的傻了。。。原来她是一个下贱出轨的贱货。。。她不语，想给自己一个思考的空间。简看她不语，给他一个‘讲话啊’的提示。

‘没有。我说我有男朋友的’

‘噢，就是说你暗示着我，间接的叫你跟那个男的在一起啦？’
‘对！你是出轨！下贱！’

简的脑海就只是想到她和那个男的亲热地画面。简只差还没骂她水性杨花。

‘你把我的思想通通改变了！这世界不再美好，我不再乐观！全世界的女人都下贱，我不再相信任何人了，尤其像你这样的女人！对你来说钱是万能的！

婕西的心又再冷一点了。他忘了，愤怒把她曾经讲过的话从他的记忆中烧成灰烬，一字，一画不剩。{ 我当然要生活过的好一些阿！我爸妈都没过好生活，整天为钱吵。至少我能赚钱让他们好过一点，我的哥哥也不能靠了}以前的画面飘过婕西的思绪。

‘你已经把我判罪了，你这样说下去，你真的画上句点了。’
其实她还不是在崩溃边缘吗？

‘哈哈。。。我的错嘛，我都已经承认是我的错了，你没错！’
‘我以为我们之间只是逗号，假的！废话！那是个句号！我告诉你，完了！我们之间完了！等你从国外公干回来我会解决我们之间一切问题！一切一切的问题！我现在不想影响你的工作！’

有可能不影响吗？我已经在影响中了。婕西心里想。

‘你知道分手后我多难熬吗？独自站在阳台，看着以前 的房间，有着我们的记忆，我自己一个清理我们曾住过的房间。我被骗，没地方住，没有钱，没地方可以去你知道吗？？ 而你？只是把我搁在一旁，想置身事外。’

我可以怎样？分手了还照顾你吗？我不想点燃不可能的希望。这是婕西心里想的，当然她没有说出口，那太伤人了。

‘随你怎样想吧，你已经觉得我出轨，已经觉得我的错，我还能说什么？每一次你都把话说绝，把事情弄到不可转弯的地步。。。’

‘对阿！我都说这是我的错啊！高婕西，我跟你，不再有交点！没有！一点都没有！我们之间不会再存在什么了！你那亲爱的有钱啊！可以带你到出去，我可负担不来呢！我没有什么可以给你，没有！麻烦你，从我的世界滚出去，我不想再见到你，不想和你有什么交集，你也不要再联络我朋友，我家人，什么‘懒’都好，我和你完了！你我之间不再存在任何空气，那是真空的！我们，连朋友也称不上！！！！’

好一句连朋友也称不上！！！！

‘你的朋友，也是我的朋友，你凭什么断绝我跟他们关系？也请你控制情绪，不要再说伤人的话了。’
婕西又何尝不是拼命深呼吸，以图让英国冰冷的空气把体内的愤怒平熄掉。

那一头，简又来了，继续发飙。
‘ 你连一次的机会也不给我！4年了，你说放就放！不念旧情！我对你那么好，你对我？我是什么？？’

‘我并没有对你不好啊。。。。。’

‘谢谢你让我彻底的对这世界失望！同时，我和你完了！从此以后，我不会再相信任何人！任何人！！！’

‘够了。。。不要再说了。。。’

‘完了啊！你不是很开心吗？我和你完了！’

‘不要再说了。。。不要把伤人的话当做你出气的方式’

‘我之可以祝你好运咯。你和他，好运！结婚给我请柬’

‘你可以停吗？不要再说了。。。’

‘反正你结婚我一定到！！！

‘我说够了！不要再讲了！’

‘我会从这阴影走出，走出你给的阴影，一切一切的你和我不再存在！宝宝和贝贝这昵称从此消失！

‘你讲够了吗？你觉得很开心吗？’

‘这昵称，死了！不再快活！’

‘你一直都说你很理智，原来你没有，你不理智。’

‘对阿！我就是不理智，怎样？我也不想弄到你不开心咯’

‘你不停责怪我。。。’

‘没有，那敢。。是我的错！一切都是我的错！’

‘好吧。。是我的错。’
‘对不起，令你这样。
　对不起，离开了你。
　对不起只在乎自己。
　对不起部和你一起渡过难关。
　对不起我把家人放在你之前。
　对不起，不给你机会。
　对不起，我自私。。。。’
婕西只可以这样，让自己退下来

‘算了！我们不会再联络！’

‘你爽了吗？’

‘我说那么多，只希望我还可以把你当朋友，不恨你。怎样都好，我们不要再联络！这可能是我最后一次和你的对话了。希望你过得好，活到八十岁！！！！！！再见！


就这样，友情，感情，一眼瞬间，一句再见，就没了。还有什么比这更可笑吗？

22 of mine

once in a year, my birthday was just over, the night before my birthday, i was inside room, listening to music, facebooking, reading articles as usual. Of coz i was counting down the time for my birthday, too. And was thinknig later what to tell my peers as for sure they will give me a cake n candles one... I was sitting in front of the lappy untill butt so numb! when i just lie down to bed, i heard some meow from downstair, more n more kitten? I know they are somebody mimic meow,well..i knwo they are calling me, i thought is someone pass by kacao me onli. When i look down frm windoew...
"happy birthday to u
happy birthday to u
hapy birthday to Mia
happy birthday to u...."
i was stunt there, duno what to respond. I knwo they will celebrate for me, but duno will make it in such a way lo...thx ya! ^^

See, i was standing, duno wat to do, what to act...

Then they ask me go down, and blow candle.




After tht, we went up again, cut cake~ i was never expect will have that lotta ppl cum, so i applied night cream on face n look so ugly n oily...tats y i softhen focus the pic.
Trust me, the priginal one is super ugly.
See the cake they prepared, is a chocolate cake, with alphabet candles which consist of 'H.A.P.P.Y B.I.R.T.H.D.A.Y'



At this moment, Jason said: the candle cost 1 pound le! == Serene shoot him, n said tmr gonna tell me something big~ sign.....roughly i know wat is that la, what else words can be used to describe the damn Jason?????? stingy i guess...perhaps it is not more harshy things he said lo...
Sharon said, im like killing people, the way i hold a knife, coz i said i wana kill Jason asi pretended i ald know wat he said.





Then, cake divided toeveryone equally~^^
Thx to janette, jason, serene, sansan, Pingjing,Sharon, Brian, Jeff, Koonwei, Gugu...Babee also la,but she nvr cum down although changed cloth d...reason behind is funny!haha! thn Mavis n Bopet lo, thx ya! Thx Josephine too, for the 3 cheese cake^^
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
the one i love called me, but sadly.....no more.....

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Then, the next day promised to have a lunch with Marcus, as he has the same birthday wit me. I scare he bring me to expensive restaurant lo, coz he always eat around n tried many nice food one, before this i ald mentioned do not exceed 5 pound. So he bring us(jason n me) to a dimsum chinese restaurant, which is located at "Boldstreet", i guess so, the spelling...

沙律炸脆虾
It is a long roll,filled with fresh prawn n dressing source, deep fried, served with mayo source. Can choose dip with mayo or not because it is ald seasoned before fried.



酥炸奶黄包
this is another great one,actually almost all ordered by Marcus1,he tasted b4,shld be not bad one..but i reli seldom eat fried thing,this is delicious, but i wont order when my turn to order lo.
Anyway, the appearance of it reli cute, make like a rabbit, n fried, super deep fried it until it turns yellow. Neither more than 1second, nor less than that, timing is crucial for the golden yellowish color.


沙律明虾角
this is more like the 虾饺that we use to eat but it is deep fried. Obviously, it is filled with prawn, once fried served hot, serve with light mayo that provided..Thumb up~~~~ y~u~m~m~Y~~~~

腊味糯米饭

actually dint mean to order this, but misorder...we want glutinous rice-chicken one....

this one normal lo, soso onli~

鲜虾烧卖皇

this is ordered by Marcus, he said he like it.Anyway, it is tasty. Portion is bigger than what we have in Malaysia, in malaysia you cant reli bite on the meat, but this, your toungue is fully enwinded with the meat and prawn...slobber...

蟹肉小笼包

the traditional 小笼包,has a long procedure to eat it...like poke the top of the bao, suck its soup inside..bla bla bla...n it has alot criterion of being a standard bao...lazy to tell here.

however(yiu....influced by the syllabus,so called critical n analytical, HOWEVER is a must-use-word -_____-''), it is not as tasty as i expect...so so onli...

蠔皇叉烧包

a normal bao lo,which we can see everywhere in Malaysia, but not here lo...蠔皇,but i dint see any 蠔 inside le....肥猪肉alot la.....kaka

葱花炸两

this is special isnt it? 油炸鬼(H.K.niest called it 炸两) wrap with 猪肠粉....yo, it is just a special food, that i never taste in Malaysia.i thnk it can be found one...it is just a simple food which you can imagine how the taste like. It has a story of this food, 1940 when war or duno wat, econ crisis or whatever~ a chef wans to let customer taste the most food with least price, so he use overnite 炸两,wraped with 粉皮, who knws it becums famous among ppl...

蜂巢香芋角

A deep-deep fried yam lo....inside filled with pork, cha siew, bean....n fried it until like that, served it hot or cold, tasty also. But, duno eat too much, high cal, high oil, high fat....

北京饺子

er....dumpling lo...

see how much we ordered, for 3 ppl serving..

this is the order menu, total 10 plates we have ordered, but it ald save my dinner ytd...

after the dinner.........photo with Marcus in front of the bomb-out church(if im not spelled it wrong) I look tiny when stand beside Marcus...he is ttttaaaaallllllllllllllllllllll.......

H

A

P

P

Y

B

I

R

T

H

D

A

Y

T

O

M

E

it makes me wana shout.

---G.A.N.N.I.N.A.B.U.C.A.O.C.I.B.A.I---

It is about the hostel im staying, now.
2dn floor, corner of the flat. the structure of the hostel is, each floor has few session, each session has 2 hostels which just opposite of one and other. OK...it is my hostel turn.

Ther's a light, i call it main light, is installed just outside my hostel main door, the hostel opposite is sharing the same light as well. N to enter our floor, there is another gate, i mean, after open the gate, then is the hostel of mine n hostel opposite. N also, to enter the flat, one must has a access key to scan the door, or the one has no door to enter.
Conclusion is, who ever wana enter, must has a key, who ever has a key, must be resident here or maintainance people.

okay....plot of the story has just started...
the first few days we stay, we've ald noticed that the light--main light which installed in front main door, which the hostel opposite adn ours sharing one, is off. We just wonder who would off it? Jason said, not only our floor's is off, but others as well. We assume, is the maintainance people do it.

Yesterday, i've been staying hostel for 2-3 days, just felt bored to idiot, i insist to go out, to Albert Dock, a seaport of Liverpool. 5 of us, who staying together left the house at 9pm, and back at 1145pm. Before we left, the light is off AGAIN! TMD! subconsciousness, we on the light, when we back, the light is off again. Obviously it is off by some one intentioanally! it is not the light problem but the switch, the switch is off by someone intentionally after we on,everytime.
Net scold rude word, and on the light again, then we enter hostel, enter each room, then, i take off my jacket as ytd was a freezing day, nid to wear layered clothing, and i on my lappy after take off jacket. Then, someone knock my door, is Sunsine, she siad the light was off, AGAIN! watthebigfuckjoke! from we enter room, take off jacket and on lappy, it is not even 3 minutes, then the light is off, AGAIN! i was stunt a while, becoz it is too fast to do it. Unless someone is following us, or the thing is standing there, once we on, it off it.

seriously, i was scare...
The only appeasing reason, is the people staying opposite off it, as they dun like bright...
In the end, we asked 2 guys cum, Scott n KX, we went dowm, walked to another side to see if the hostel opposite us staying people inside, but none light is opened. I know everyone is scare at this moment, we came up, KX misopen the door of opposite hostel!!!!!!! the door isn't locked, the feel is spooky, obviously no body staying there. Assumbly they move 1 weeks before, 28th May, coz we move in at 29th, it has been 11days, but the baisin there, remain some water around, 11 days, it should be dried, isn't it...???

too much of unexplainable.
who off our light everytime after we on it?
People who staying this block?
maintainance people? ? ? ?
the water aroud the baisin...

apparently, sumting wrong of it, the problem is whether is unknown creature or human did it.
both,is not a good thing...