The First Impression

That is the first image u left for others. 

You can say nothing, you can do nothing, but it will still leave people an impression of the image you carry. 

24th. 

Through out those years, what image i left for others?

And what should I give others in the future. 

Rebel...I think most of the people in secondary school would agree

Act like a boy....definitely this is agreed by most of the people 

Big Sister... don't know is it because of my size in those days

Strong women.....Tough women....

This is a heavy word. A very heavy description, indeed, HEAVY.

What trained me to be one? Until these day I already feel numb to tell again. 

But if there is a choice, will I prefer to be one? 

Ya, definitely....but can I have a little privilege, a little rewards, a little request?

I would like to be a strong and tough female who can be pampered, can be taken care of. 

'You are very independent, you are very tough, you are very special, you are different, you are...'

it's been not less than 100 times I'm praised in this way. My pleasure =) 

But if given a choice, can I choose to be the one who can hide in side an even stronger arm?  

The biggest joke ever is: men thought a strong and tough one doesn't deserve protection. 

What is the point of being strong then? while I lose all the privileges that a girl deserves? 

Biasa dah, tapi biasa pun mimpi nak dapat protection jugak. 

I'm just a species of chromosome X. 

By the way, 

Happy Chinese New Year and Happy 9th Chinese New Year. 

 

Unforgettable

I was thinking to write a abstract one, to describe my mood, actually nothing to tell, I mean don't feel like telling. So i surfed net, and found clips below.

You will never know how much I loved band, being in military band and orchestra. I was willing to argue with my mum because of it. In fact I shouldn't use past tense, i'm still loving them. It is clear in my mind I love to watch any performances when i was secondary student, and was given a palm-stamp by my mum.

arghhh....without bullshiting, just wanna share some clips with u..

USA nation theme song-STAR AND STRIPS FOREVER.

This is hard...

THE NEW COLONIAL MARCH. previous one is from USA; this is from UK.

I'm damn happy that i'm still able to play the fingering, 80% of it. Hello, i've been away from this more than 5 years okay? See, how much this is engraved in my memory.

ahhhhhh~~~~ this is it! Theme Song of Jurassic Park!

You'll never know how much I'm hooked to this song; behind has a beauty story.

Because of this, i hurt my knee...

I didn't have discman, neither have a CD of it, forget about downloading as that was about 9 years ago...

I took a recorder to record it, when the theme song was playing in the end of the movie, since then the tape accompanied me fro years, until I was form 5...

this is the exactly same version as I always listened to.

then, someone bought me a CD of it. hmm.....all memories.....

this will takes you about 20 minutes if you listen every clip. XD

enjoy~

simple thoughts.

just a photo, but it includes few thoughts. 

1- i did something silly, real silly. 

2- It tells the fact that i'm missing there. a place with white. 

3. I just want to be with my another half   like the couple sitting on the candy-bench when we are old. 

that's all, finish. 

One Night Stand

Shock and excited to read when see the title? I have a habit, a real weird habit of using what ever thing I glimpsed at to be title. i'm listening to a song- Daniel Powter- Free loop, the title is mentioned in the lyric, so.....

Ok,please proceed to reading. 

Life won't change until you've made a move, same to fat. 

I'm thinking to use 'same old same age' as title, but it is not a truth, i'm making changes, at least, i'm take initiative to change.  

Sometimes i'm really angry with myself of being careless. you know how it feels? 

You already remind yourself in the heart, already checked the things that you gonna to do, already.....You thought you've done it. You thought things are settled. In the end, you realized, you were told...things are not going this way.  o.0

We should have own secret,don't we? 

So that's all for this. next I'm gonna show how life is going.

With my colleague. Don't you feel the chicken and charsiew look familiar? They just appeared in my post few days ago.  

That is a song with lyrics "what hurt the most was being so close", by Rascal Flats- what hurt the most. Absolutely correct. The guy closest with you hurt you the most. 

how does it relate to this photo? Do you think you use a gadget with care, then the technological product won't spoil? I spent thousand over to buy a phone 18 months ago, after 2 or 3 months, it had problem, until last month, the phone protested its determination of wanted to be kept in drawer with idiotic action, it doesn't functions well as a basic phone, I can't even make a call - ERROR CONNECTION every time when i attempt to call people. I don't make call for fun okay? i can't find any reason to keep it. 

There were a lot stories after this which I feel lazy to describe, the end result was i bought a new phone. 

I was telling my friend :I dont feel any excitement of owning a new phone. which is true. I don't feel any, until now. I hope this could accompany me for a long time.

Lastly, I'm listening to music, music that accompanied me the most in another side of the globe. i thought i got back to the place with big wind and cold weather.

I realize i can't use word to describe the place anymore, perhaps at this moment only. Hopefully it isn't because of feel faded away. I'm moving on, but wishing to bring the memories with me. 

It is always in the top of the list, in my notes of happiness.

再不堪回首的，曾经也是快乐和值得珍惜的回忆。

Linkage made by patches .

there are something that I don't know how to put on mouth.

there are something I don't know how to act, don't even know where to start the act at. 

there are something I over look and don't know how big the impact is. 

I've been thinking of him, the consequences after I did something. 

I have a friend, i call him my brother, abang angkat. Not a formal one, not yet gone through a ceremony =D, and just finish reading some of his posts. my heart sour quite a lot after read his post, he broke up with his ex who about to engage with.

I had him, an important person in my life though. He taught me quite a lot, brought me happiness too. What was the most exciting thing was to wait him home in a mundane life. Days gone, years pass. In the end of our relationship, I said let's break in a firm stand. Yes, he beg for patching; he asked for chances. I was so firm to say no. We've been together for 3 years and 5months; I keep thinking of him recently, even before his mum called me. Scenes together flashed back, yea, we went through sweet time, rarely had argument. 

He said he never thought of i would left him. 

He said after I went his life was miserable. 

All i know, is wishing him to have a great life ahead. 

after him, was another whom I don't feel to talk any more. I've been blogging and talking too much of him. He  even appears in our conversation. 

Why would I so sentimental when I read my abang angkat's blog? Why would I so sour when I put myself on his stand (my bro and my ex)?

I'm thinking if one day the one I rely on leave me again. Can I cope with this? 

barely could accept. 

You can say i'm an independent girl, you can be terrified when I'm in real independent, it means I don't need you; but I feel like losing the desire to be one. I have a big arm, huge body and 'bak-bak' shoulder to rely on, and it is too comfortable to rely on. Sometimes I hate myself of loving one, because i feel like losing the real me. wthhhhh.

Somehow somewhat I'm willing to. (*)

Just now was chatting with a friend from USA, we have a big age gap, she is ald 65 years old. 

She told me his husband was hospitalized for 8 weeks. I'm not pessimistic, but too far sight to foresee something. Few decades later how if he leave me before I do? 

leave me a huge amount of inheritance will do. XD

ok, back, I just want a stable life, where we can live happily. 

every Sunday, I'm damn long necked to wait for Tuesday coming; after that is waiting for coming Friday. 

So now, I'm waiting for Tuesday again. 

Compare (and there you finish)

One thing I don't deny, I have quite a lot of friends; quite a lot of friends in opposite sex.

So when they complain their gf to me,I always try to be mediator; however deep down my heart, I'm despising the girl...for me,I do think being in a relationship, both parties should have put efforts instead of only insist say, guys should be more devoting. I mean, both should be reasonable. So, It causes me to put myself in another's shoes, because I don't want a guy complains about me to his friend, like what those guys complained their gf to me. Maybe this is the problem, I've listened too much stories for guys, where they claimed how much they sacrificed for their gf, need me to list down one by one? I can't list down all, but I can list down 5-8 guys who had complained to me. Therefore, I always try to be a GF that not bringing problems (at least not the problems like their gf brought them). From movie, we always watch how willful and unreasonable a girl can be, and how annoying to be a girl like that. Thus, I always remind myself don't be this kinda girl.

Unfortunately, I'm still a girl. Nah--I'm still a female...

Why others can but you can't?

For whatever circumstances, this shitty "innocent" question undeniably pretty helpful in stir up the fire.

say, in an argument. Why others can but you can't?

or, no argument, but either party remain silence and flash back. Why others can but you can't?

I think, I knew, comparisonl makes things worse...

You get angry, because you compare-- Why others can but you can't?

You get mad, because you compare--Why others can but you can't?

Girl: Why who and who's bf can bought it for her but you can't? Why my ex boy friend did it for me but you can't? 

Guy: Why others girls won't be so demanding but you? Why my others girl friends can be so reasonable but you can't?

See, the problem is, compare--Why others can but you can't?; this is not the fatal cause, the stupid reason that people always overlook is: people only listen story from one party, like what I did, I only listened stories from those guys. 

Guy:  Who and who's bf bought her because he is rich; I'm not. Fair enough? 

         Your ex bf did it because he didn't think wisely; I'm not, and I don't feel the obligation to do so. Fair enough? 

(girls, you don't even listen or understand how my situation is)

Girl: They don't be so demanding because whatever they want are already given. huhhuh...Fair enough?

       They can be so reasonable because they only being unreasonable to their bf, whom not the one who standing right in front of me and questioning me why being so unreasonable. huhhuh...Fair enough? 

(guys, you don't even see another side of story) 

I don't mean to complain, cards of you and him or you and her are not supposed to put on table, this is a fair game, and here is a public place if you know what I mean. I'm just standing on a female's stand, trying not to be sentimentally, to analyze relationship between man and woman. 

But again, unfortunately, I'm still a gi....Nah...I'm still a female. XD

and tell a secret (idiot, openly tell a secret), I read a post from an oversea resident but posted locally, and discover something. Well...and I was comparing again. 

So sad  I'm not only being a female, but being a human. ah huh...

Stage 3

Friends around are getting married. Can't help from sighing time flies.

I did a rough analyze, a very basic analyze like counting 1+1. Whole life of one can be divided to few stages,

stage 1: When we were kids, the biggest things to think about was: I want eat this, play that...
stage 2: When we were studying, which had occupied 1 quarter of one'e life. Troubles was started thrown in by others. Result, friendship, loveship, most importantly was still: what is the next session? (for yum cha, movie, singk, clubbing...)
stage 3 (which is current stage): started to work, first step into bloody cruelty society; some who worked for few  years and have steady relationship with another half are started to commit with each other. Like my friends.
stage 4,5,6,7..... After married, have kids, work very very very hard to raise the children up, support them to further study like what their parents had done(like me and him, if reach up to this stage successfully), continue working meanwhile waiting children to bring their another half, worried how are their children's career and business, worried when are they going to get married and born few grandchildren...
By then, we are at age of 60++ (assume first kid is born at age 30, and the kid get married at the same age as us), hopefully have already retired, and playing with grandchildren. At this age of 60+++, physically and mentally probably go back to kids' stage, injured easily and fall out unreasonably...

How many 10 years in one's life? few decades back perhaps average had 8 decades in one's life; now average is 7.5, I guess for us (80's born babies). 6.5 decades?

How long time you've spent on reading this? Life end like how you finish this entry, it is fast; like how moon and sun shuttle front and back, you can never stop it.
Some have chosen a right path way to have a better life; some are so unlucky couldn't find a easier way out.
I'm at the stage 3, and I'm figuring which is a right path way.

to my dear: we can be perfect match; however sometimes we are quite distinct in perspective and the way managing things. I hope we could walk hand by hand until the end of our life, we both need to work out. I know you are trying, I'm trying hard either. Phobia on this matter has not cured completely yet, actually I don't think it can be healed, anyway thanks for concealing it by your hard works. Frankly say and touch wood, if we fail, I don't think I have the courage to start a new one. Let's pray for the best and work for the best. Keep our finger crossed. You've taught me a lot, I hope you do learn from me too, at least not that less. 
I love you. 

Relek

Wonder how are freelance event girls busying at the backstage?

like that lo...

I'll always be the outgroup within the ingroup. 

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day after the freelance job, Maxis annual dinner usherette (this is my 3rd year involved in their annual dinner), I was going to attend an interview in IBM. (hence, i'm cracking my head to decide where to go)

I kept my stomach empty until the interview finished, and my first meal of the day, caused my thumb bleeding. 

The sharp stick went through the plastic bag, here my bleeding thumb presented! =.=!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At night went Souled Out, to celebrate Cheemeng's birthday. 

here we go. 

This, apparently was a greedy lady grabbing others drink.

If any brand find a model like me to be their spokeperson or ambassador, I'm sure the brand is ready to lose their market share....

How souled out look like, inside.

here we have: Cheemeng, the star of the day and his girl friend, Chingsiew. 

Birthday star had to be decorated as a X mas tree, Cheemeng portraits it well.applause... XD

Serious man is a handsome man (2009) 

Serious man is a nice man (2010) 

So, nice doesn't mean handsome. So, above= ugly

Above not pretty, but not so ugly. 

The fact is, whoever worn this won't be looking good. 

The next day. 

We both know Valentine's day is fall on Chinese New Year, first day. 

We both know Valentine's day, Xmas, whatever festival is a good date to chop--consumer

We both have an agreement, in order not to be chopped, we schedule our celebration days before the festival. 

This is what I used to do- I know everyone's work is different, not everyone entitle to have public holiday as everyone else. So if you think I'm like lady A, B and C, then you are wrong. If you judge me like judge a book through cover, then you are wrong. If you think I'm like every lady like you assumed, then you are super super wrong. (talk cock....haha) 

The Garden, I know One Utama has a branch too. 

Feel like Full House. 

Description of it? not going to elaborate more. 

Visual is better than words. 

So, we were settled with

-

-

-

-

-

-

Cappuccino

Contrast of color tone didn't bring an extreme sweetness to your taste bud, in oppose,

it was mild and smooth,  getting you ready to have a sumptuous meal. 

Chocolate Ice Blended

This is sinful....

Thick taste of chocolate with well blended ice, I have to remind myself to stick to my diet plan. 

Apparently, I failed.

There are some options for dessert, Opera which made by layers of butter cream, chocolate and coffee cream indulged my id, like seducing me to put it into mouth. Imagine if combination of creams mentioned melted on tongue...*slap myself to stay conscious* 

too much and too heavy meals+beverages were ordered, go for a lighter one. 

Gree tea slice cake, absolutely fulfill the need. 

I'd say Bread story in Sg sells better green tea cake. 

The fresh cream in between fail to attract my desire of "one more bite", cake body was too dry (compare to Bread Story's) 

However, its decoration when it served was pleasing. There it saves marks. 

Not too bad 

The red ant was trying to steal a bite. No way, it was finished.

Potato salad, this was extra lor! because main dish served with side dishes what...

anything la, it is in another form now, after digested, what it would be? XD

Butter fish fillet. I should order salmon. This was a heavy meal, for me. Creamy white sauce and olive oil, it is a new try. (I never try this ma). Slightly spicy fried ginger slices dipped with white sauce added surprise! 

Sirloin steak done in medium rare, served with sour sauce. I'm not a big fans for steak, but will not resist to have one bite or two of a nice steak. 

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Supposedly, it was a very filling meal, indeed, it was. 

Sometimes should reward stomach (seems I do it too frequently) 

In cinema, we ate a large popcorn. 

Normally I would stop grabbing popcorn after few minutes eating it. Too sweet.

Out of normal, I ate half of it. 

It was because it tastes nicer or something wrong with me huh....?

SEE! I said i ate too much recently, this was another evidence! 

We ate ayam penyet after movie. 

I can shout loud: I can eat very spicy food, but this ayam penyet...

Don't underestimate its chili, this hot stuff is greater than chili padi, hotter than tabasco 

Don't believe?

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

I was not trying to be innocent, if you notice my mouth, it was swollen. 

When it was too spicy, closing mouth helps to make your mouth watery, I was doing that to release my 'pain'.

This was absolutely acting. I was too full to drink! 

That is why we are paired...

We are same weird creature. 

haha! 

=p

Full stop. Beginning.. .

I'm strongly against the conservative notions of horoscope as if there are only 12 kinds of people in the world; however if there is one notion i must admit, I'd say: Gemini has dual-personalities.

Seriously, I'm sorry to all my frosty looks, icy responses; one thing always crosses my mind, and I ponder it quite often, am I too mean to you? You know i felt so. I'm also sorry of rarely utter the three words, but i did to others easily, not even think before say, my friends, my cousins, my nephews, to say it is not hard,  but it is hard when i say to you.

Phobia? mental block?

After the reckless action of putting all eggs into his basket, what left was the hurtful spirit and sinked confidence, when i felt no one could neither understand nor helped, you gave me a hand that secure and comfortable to hold with. Nonetheless, I couldn't as extrovert as last time, I'm stingy to say the three words after the wallop. You taught me, corrected me, lead me; yes, there are something i don't agree with the way of how you dealing with matters, we can over come it, can't we?

When you were with me, I don't feel to talk much, or merely nod, especially when it is an open place with existence of others; after you left, feel of missing you raised. I hate the self-defence mechanism...

"whatever time spent with you is the best time."

this is what i want to tell you, too.

The three words, you know i do.

Thanks for always there for me.

~I LOVE YOU 

miss you-dearest

"We go taiwan for our trip".

im proud to tell my fren im goin to go Taiwan, and going to save an amount of money to go

plan changed.

I was told not to go Taiwan.

"I wana to Gui-ling"

haa....not really feel to go those places le....

then, I back to Kl for my study

a very long time din't go back home, even when i back in Ipoh, you are not there.

my room, become my onli space, last time you were sleeping beside me, we talk something bad of my mum, talk something of my ambition, you give opinion on my thought.

sorry to say, sometimes your thought is a bit kolot la....

how can i accept "just to be like that"?

now, no more...you dint sleep with me.

I afraid, we have not much chance to sleep together

I'm nearly crazy, brain overloaded, stressed out like duno wat.

suddenly, you face come to my mind.

I miss You

so i called you

it is expected i've to repeat on what i said, 1- signal problem, 2- you are in a noisy market, 3- you cant really hear...

"end of the year im goin to Taiwan with my frens"

"Taiwan is not interesting one..many of my frens came back and regret of going there..."

"we are young people, we can enjoy there"

"trust me, it isn't fun...i was just discussed with Tein-tein gu-gu, she is interested to go HongKong, we go HongKong la..."

"erm...." (im thinking my budget)

"I wanna have a trip when im still able to do that. Few more years later i duno if i still can walk, now i always feel pain on my leg"

Im stunt a while.....how if popo cant walk anymore? even i have bundles of cash like Kenneth, i cant have a trip wit her.

"ok then, you ask gugu when she wans to go, i'll be going too"

Actually it is really take almost all of my saving if i go both place, and i might not to go SG to find my dream that soon. What's more important?

"you can find money anytime, but time flies never 'rewind' ", "especially when you miss a chance to be together with someone you love, deep from you heart", "you gonna regret the rest of you life"

so, i'd rather to delay of pursuing my dream and what i want for temporary, if the chance and thing determined to be mine, it is mine. It is just two months to be delayed, if like that the chance will go away too, fine, it is not mine.

I miss you, too.

popo, miss you so much.
im still remember the first time i meet you in KL, in my study life
Im gonna take more pictures with you
you are always cute like a kid.
I'm always love to lean on you shoulder
but you lean on the sofa....
popo, i love you, i miss you.

for YOU

Chef BiaNbian

add oil~

"Over prepare, then go with the flow; Believe in Miraclesssss"

有话想要对你说-给BaBa的一封信

有没有发现，每一段感情结束时总会找到很多首歌来表达心声？

有没有发现，每一首歌唱的都是不同的？

有的是你的感受，有的是唱出你的不满，有的是唱出两人之间的问题

人是善变的； 感情没有一定的公式

感情不像E=mc²

当一方提出分手，一定经过深思熟虑。没有人希望随随便便结束一段感情

至少，我不是

一起的日子，有过千个。。。

不要告诉我在千多个日子里，到分手后才“发现”我是怎样的人。

我不爱隐瞒，也不懂得怎样隐瞒

我不戴面具，也最讨厌戴面具

喜怒哀乐，旁人永远察觉到

从不吵架，到后阶段的电话中吵架，我已经知道这段感情很难走下去

不关任何人的事，不过的确有些因素令我下定决心

记得从刚认识我时的小辣椒，到变成连翔他们都不习惯的小女人吗？

一开始我们已经说好不要吵架

你我都珍惜过

我了解你的失望，就像当天你在msn 对我说的话，我想都没想过你会说出那番话；同样，你想都没想过我会如此绝情。两者的失望是相对的。

昨天看见你和欣在facebook掀起的骂战，不要说那不管我的事。

我不精明，但是不会太笨。"she" 是谁，弱智的也大概猜到。

对我来说，那个字，的确蛮伤人。

If you reali heard something dulan, and it is because of me, you are welcome to interrogate.

很赞同你的‘dont assume, plz!'

Don't assume, it just make an ass between u and me.

所以你也别摆个屁股在你我之间

听回来和看回来并不是每一刻都真实

‘耳听三分假，眼看未为真”--我记得在看“溏心风暴“时我们听到这句话的震撼。你忘了吗？

你知道我对承诺有多看重，给了负担不了的承诺就像是给了个假希望，别小看假希望破碎的杀伤力

在分手潜伏期，你我都有努力过去弥补这段感情

你说你要去看戏，刚好碰上我工作日子，不然就忙着课业上的问题

而我叫你去看戏，你就说：算了啦~~我都“显’了。

天不时地不利人不合

要是分手那只是机缘时机距离的问题,那可能可以改变，但是我们都不是。

第一次做出分手的决定已经知道问题出在哪里。就算再复合，就算对方如何改变，结果还是一样。心软再回到一起，只是说分手那人的负担，挽回那方再一次伤心的开始。你要第二次，第三次还是第四次的分手？

你也会说就算我们再在一起，你对我的信任已经不如从前。

没有信任的感情，还是感情，还只是一种放不下的依赖？

心软的再复合，是真心的复合，还是罪恶感的鞭策？

我知道为什么会分手，我知道我要什么，我知道现在心里住着有谁，所以，对不起。

我很配合地从你世界滚出去。

当你有爱人的能力，同样你也被赐予衡的力量。我知道你恨我，或是曾经恨我；但是不鼓励你继续狠，因为这只会让你痛苦。

停止骂战吧，两人的事何必让第三，第四，第五，第六或第七者的加入？

如果我的堕落失败会让你觉得舒服些，问我，我会告诉你。

relax....

Feel of finished assignment--super relax and damn good

I even have some free time to take some photos of night from my block

i never notice the night can be so beautiful

i mean, with the light, the shadown can be so...meaningfull

stop by, to look around

you can get something better

or

you will have a better inspiration

dun always fight so hard

make yourself tired.

tired, doesnt push to higher

but it pulls you down faster

so...

have enuf rest before start the war

August is the crucial period which decide ur

direction

promise, take care

and

be optimistic

done ur best is more than enough

dont push urself too hard

people around you

people care of you

they feel pain when seeing you pushing yourself too hard

love yourself on behalf of me.

love you

love me

周惠-不想让你知道

三天了
已经第三天了
每一天都至少一次
眼泪加面包的滋味
真不好受。

再见

心真的受伤了。。。。。。
外表多坚强，你off了之后，还是哭了。
可笑的，还是包容着你。

句点. full stop

‘你还有很多东西还没回答我，还有好多问题在我脑海’

‘什么事？’

‘我问了，你没回答。。。’

婕西懂了，懂他问什么。
‘对，是他’

简的疑问终于得到回答，其实他知道答案已久，只是想得到她的答案，是；也好；不是；更好。只不过他没想到他会接受不来。按耐已久的情绪，一刹那，像吹涨的气球轻轻的被利器一碰---
碰！！！！崩溃了。。。 失控的情绪蒙蔽了他的理智，脑子里想到什么，就骂什么。脑袋，在这个时候也失去了它应有的思考功能，不堪入耳的责怪从他那跟失禁没什么两样的口不停喷出。不加思考和失禁的责问，除了令婕西难以下台，难以招架之外，也难以相信。她一直以为简会是理智的，会理解的，不是像一般男人一样，一旦分手就翻脸不认人。她一直不希望和任何人结怨，尤其是陪她走过一段时间，曾经想过付托终身的人。简说的每一句话，每一句责问，就像烧红的铁往她身上烙下一个一个的伤疤。为什么。。。。。？接下来的每一秒钟，婕西就重复着这问号。招架着简的责问的同时，她也在尝试寻找答案，为什么会这样。答案还没找到，简利锐的问题又来了。

‘我们多年的感情才结束你就结交另一个了？？？有可能吗？还是你们早就有奸情只是我笨，被蒙在鼓里？？’

‘真的是分手了我们才在一起的。’

‘$#%@$^&$#*__)^%#@!#$&)(%%#%$ ’
‘我在你眼中就只是一堆垃圾吗？’
‘少来这套！你们根本早就有一腿的！我真笨！妈的！’

‘我就知道你们都会说我是出轨，但是我没有。’

‘懒叫！ 你认为我会相信吗？什么两年时间？？？我真的相信你会有那么一天，开始用心工作，结果？？？？？？？？？？？？你真的让我很失望！’

婕西傻了一下。失望？又是失望？都是这样吗？为什么每一个都对她失望？
原来要不让人失望，就得让自己死死撑下去？明知道条路走不下去，还得往前走？这样，就会不失望吗？原来要不让人失望，首先自己要先绝望。心冷了，却不想互相扯破脸皮，他生气，自己就得冷静，两座火山只会燃起更熊烈的火。

‘你爱怎样想就怎样想吧。。。我控制不来。’

‘每个人都说你是出轨的！’

‘我说；我没有。’

‘我真白痴！还相信你会回来！真的用心去工作！真笨！’

‘劝你用心工作时为你好啊。。。。’

‘废话！’
‘妈的’
‘全是废话！你真的令我很失望！彻底的失望！’

‘失望就因为我叫你用心工作？假如有缘再续？

简冷笑。转用他擅长的尖酸，一针一句的。。。讽刺。

‘噢，是吗？不会。。没有有缘再续的。4年感情你说放就放，而且还火速找另一个。哦。。。不，可能这不是第一个，之前应该还有吧？应该很多吧？ 我只不过是什么？路过罢了嘛。。。我那配得起你？我不好看，我矮，我没钱，没事业，傻嗨~他应该很有钱吧？不然你会要吗？’

婕西可以怎样？深呼吸，是目前她可以做的事
‘冷静想，我那里错了？’
她不过为自己想，为家人想。。。

‘没啦！你那有错？都是我。都是我的错，全都是我的错！’

‘之前我一直有告诉你问题所在，希望你有所改变，但是。。。。’

‘噢。。。对呵？借口！一切都是你借口！’

‘你在责怪自己，其实就是用另一种形式责怪我，让我难过。’

‘我没有改变？你懂我分手那段日子多难熬吗？我真是傻嗨！还给你100%的自由！100%的相信你！自由~~好咯。。。我真是傻嗨！我真的是傻嗨！’

‘是你自己说要自由，同样你也会给我自由啊！为什么分手后的结局一定要有吵架？’

‘我不敢！我那敢跟你吵！’

‘也就是说，你已经一口咬定我是出轨，我下贱。。。’

‘你敢说你不是，敢说你没有？’

婕西真的傻了。。。原来她是一个下贱出轨的贱货。。。她不语，想给自己一个思考的空间。简看她不语，给他一个‘讲话啊’的提示。

‘没有。我说我有男朋友的’

‘噢，就是说你暗示着我，间接的叫你跟那个男的在一起啦？’
‘对！你是出轨！下贱！’

简的脑海就只是想到她和那个男的亲热地画面。简只差还没骂她水性杨花。

‘你把我的思想通通改变了！这世界不再美好，我不再乐观！全世界的女人都下贱，我不再相信任何人了，尤其像你这样的女人！对你来说钱是万能的！

婕西的心又再冷一点了。他忘了，愤怒把她曾经讲过的话从他的记忆中烧成灰烬，一字，一画不剩。{ 我当然要生活过的好一些阿！我爸妈都没过好生活，整天为钱吵。至少我能赚钱让他们好过一点，我的哥哥也不能靠了}以前的画面飘过婕西的思绪。

‘你已经把我判罪了，你这样说下去，你真的画上句点了。’
其实她还不是在崩溃边缘吗？

‘哈哈。。。我的错嘛，我都已经承认是我的错了，你没错！’
‘我以为我们之间只是逗号，假的！废话！那是个句号！我告诉你，完了！我们之间完了！等你从国外公干回来我会解决我们之间一切问题！一切一切的问题！我现在不想影响你的工作！’

有可能不影响吗？我已经在影响中了。婕西心里想。

‘你知道分手后我多难熬吗？独自站在阳台，看着以前 的房间，有着我们的记忆，我自己一个清理我们曾住过的房间。我被骗，没地方住，没有钱，没地方可以去你知道吗？？ 而你？只是把我搁在一旁，想置身事外。’

我可以怎样？分手了还照顾你吗？我不想点燃不可能的希望。这是婕西心里想的，当然她没有说出口，那太伤人了。

‘随你怎样想吧，你已经觉得我出轨，已经觉得我的错，我还能说什么？每一次你都把话说绝，把事情弄到不可转弯的地步。。。’

‘对阿！我都说这是我的错啊！高婕西，我跟你，不再有交点！没有！一点都没有！我们之间不会再存在什么了！你那亲爱的有钱啊！可以带你到出去，我可负担不来呢！我没有什么可以给你，没有！麻烦你，从我的世界滚出去，我不想再见到你，不想和你有什么交集，你也不要再联络我朋友，我家人，什么‘懒’都好，我和你完了！你我之间不再存在任何空气，那是真空的！我们，连朋友也称不上！！！！’

好一句连朋友也称不上！！！！

‘你的朋友，也是我的朋友，你凭什么断绝我跟他们关系？也请你控制情绪，不要再说伤人的话了。’
婕西又何尝不是拼命深呼吸，以图让英国冰冷的空气把体内的愤怒平熄掉。

那一头，简又来了，继续发飙。
‘ 你连一次的机会也不给我！4年了，你说放就放！不念旧情！我对你那么好，你对我？我是什么？？’

‘我并没有对你不好啊。。。。。’

‘谢谢你让我彻底的对这世界失望！同时，我和你完了！从此以后，我不会再相信任何人！任何人！！！’

‘够了。。。不要再说了。。。’

‘完了啊！你不是很开心吗？我和你完了！’

‘不要再说了。。。不要把伤人的话当做你出气的方式’

‘我之可以祝你好运咯。你和他，好运！结婚给我请柬’

‘你可以停吗？不要再说了。。。’

‘反正你结婚我一定到！！！

‘我说够了！不要再讲了！’

‘我会从这阴影走出，走出你给的阴影，一切一切的你和我不再存在！宝宝和贝贝这昵称从此消失！

‘你讲够了吗？你觉得很开心吗？’

‘这昵称，死了！不再快活！’

‘你一直都说你很理智，原来你没有，你不理智。’

‘对阿！我就是不理智，怎样？我也不想弄到你不开心咯’

‘你不停责怪我。。。’

‘没有，那敢。。是我的错！一切都是我的错！’

‘好吧。。是我的错。’
‘对不起，令你这样。
　对不起，离开了你。
　对不起只在乎自己。
　对不起部和你一起渡过难关。
　对不起我把家人放在你之前。
　对不起，不给你机会。
　对不起，我自私。。。。’
婕西只可以这样，让自己退下来

‘算了！我们不会再联络！’

‘你爽了吗？’

‘我说那么多，只希望我还可以把你当朋友，不恨你。怎样都好，我们不要再联络！这可能是我最后一次和你的对话了。希望你过得好，活到八十岁！！！！！！再见！


就这样，友情，感情，一眼瞬间，一句再见，就没了。还有什么比这更可笑吗？

开心日记

After Shin n Rui went back, i was brimmed with expectation, excited. Coz another one is coming, and i can leave the maxis job behind~ no nid to work...haha


to Thai food, i duno wat perception i should have towards it~
anyway.....
this Thaifood is located at Ampang, quite famous i heard, and someone told me nid to book before dine in.
Thx for bringing me along to have a try on it.
The environment is good, you will feel like you are surrounded by all green wood, it is like surprisingly found a waterfountain in desert. You would never expect at such a place would exist this restaurant with the environment and setting.


We both not eating much~chic, fish and keropok, all not finish, even soup not finsih too, onli the mussel consists of 6 finished.
Didn't take much photo, coz i feel ps of keep taking photo...hahaand when i recall wana take a photo, the fish ald look ...*aiks* le...

After the dinner, we went for movie^^ er~~~blur me, i tot we watch X men o, when went in onli i know, we actually watch mall cop......=p

after movie, we got another program...which is sing K
actually tuesday i ald feel to sing,n booked room in Green box, tot to ask tissue sing tgt, coz monday i was very very very bad mood....
bak bak bak....bak to happy mode~
sing until 4, when arrive home ald almost 5....pity my dear~ tired like....


The next day we went Ampang Korean Village, to have so called true born korean food.....i guess it is too 'trueborn", i duno how to eat, and the service is like...how cum i would had a feel of having korean food in mamak stall? u got wat i mean??

this is the BBQ pork, the meat is quite thick, and not reli bloated well, not reli taste like wati tried somewhere.

Ginseng tang.....erm.....no comment too.

does it looked delicious??? yea, this is quite tasty la~

left 2 are starting, right is when we left...nothing much diff...

Now you know, who is he...

笑一笑～

爱情 　　

白雪公主，几咁纯洁无瑕。但系谂真啲，白雪公主，识得嗰个系王子，灰姑娘识嗰个又系王子；有个有特殊嚐好，钟意锡青蛙嘅女人锡咗只青蛙一啖，只青蛙变出嚟嘅又系王子！有冇人谂过根本个王子系同一个人呢？根本呢个王子都不知几x花心，周围沟女。仲无良到扮青蛙去沟添！

情窦未开 　　

我第一次恋爱之前，我认为自己就系杨过，而我同书里面个杨过唯一唔同嘅地方，就系佢有只大鵰。而我嗰阵，就钟意撚呢个相思同画眉多啲。同杨过一样，我从来冇谂过要考第一。 　

我只需要爱情，只要搵到我嘅小龙女，我就可以抛弃学业，退隐山林，搬入新界住。但系我一定要住西班牙别墅，我唔住得村屋，我怕蛇虫鼠蚁。然后每个月至多出一次市区，不过我唔会逗留得耐，问亚妈攞完零用钱我就会入番入去。 　　

冇错，基本上，我由中一至中五都系喺呢种咁超然嘅思想下度过。嗰阵时学校最流行嘅辩论题目系：“中学生应否谈恋爱？”我认为，我哋应该辩论嘅系“中学生应否读书？” 　

而喺我第一次恋爱之前，我嘅小龙女只需要一个条件，就系靓，我知我咁样谂好肤浅，但系嗰阵时我仲细，唔知道原来身材都好重要嘎。

性

圣人话：“食色性也！”食同色，好唔同！一个人无论几钟意食，会唔会比几十蚊入戏院睇套“蒸气腾腾小龙包”？一个人无论几钟意食，又会唔会为咗望一旧冇包住嘅牛肉望到畀车撞？

童話

自細睇D童話都話，王子騎住白馬出現， 所以見到騎住白馬既就系白馬王子， 但系有無人念過， 騎白馬既其實系唐三藏咧？

source: cited frm http://car0753.blog.sohu.com/
N modified by Mia.

unexpected---想不到

i like to read.
i rather stayed in book shop more than toy shop when i was a kid, i like to go book fair.
i like to read books such as : history( both ancient and comtemporary), phylosophy, natural science and mysterious, and i read recipe as well, BUT....i rarely buy books, coz there are expensive.
recently, i mean this 2 days, i've bot 5 books, among 5, 3 was purchase becoz of a "little mauley" =p

honestly, i nvr do this to anyone, especially....
er, let me list down the book name first...

• LA CLAVE GAUDI (高第密碼）
• MAN SOM HATAR KVINNOR（龍紋身的女孩）
• Recipe
• XXX XXX
• XXX XXX

the first 2 are what i interested to read, although they are just story, but they are highly recommended one. then the followed 3....bought becoz of the little mauley ~I never look at XXXX book when i go book stall book fair, coz i think they all cheat people, but this time i kena cheat le, see, how deep i've been poisoned ...
Foo Mee Ngan
Mia
Miao
Mickey MIAo
maid
I never expect, i'd buy that...haha


laugh my ass of ald!!!!!

funny meh? not at all....ceh........................

喜歡

曾經，我讀過一篇部落格
‘喜歡，可不可以’大概是說喜歡是一回事，可不可以喜歡又是另一回事，其實是在影射第三者。
曾經，我媽不停灌輸我，別急著找男孩，以后看多點這世界一定找到更好的。其實到現在她還是這樣告訴我。她是為我好，我知道。。。
曾經在forum留言說‘感情要自己爭取，管他是誰的’結果被人集體開罵。


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

結果就這樣，接受一段感情之前我總會想很多，考慮很多。
-究竟他是不是認真？
-我會不會再一次受傷？
-會不會長久？
-我應該嗎？
等等等等。。。
因此，我從來不敢接受新感情，因此，我的經驗非常淺。

一個故事。

一個和尚要砍樹集柴，第一棵—他在考慮這可會不會不夠我要的數量？ 第二顆—會不會太大，倒下時傷到我？ 第三棵—會不會蛀蟲？第四棵---會不會。。。。。。。從早到晚，就是在考慮‘會不會’，結果到天黑都還沒砍到一棵樹。

兩個完全沒有交集的人可以發展到覺得對方覺得可以互相依靠，再發展下去其實也靠緣分。要是緣分來了，難道讓他白白飛走？難道你的mr right 真的可以被找到嗎？ 有多少個可以真真找到一個完完全全適合的？

下一段感情，我還會是認真的，不過不考慮太多了。只要這刻感覺對，只要他符合我的基本條件，只要他也是認真的，接下來的問題，兩人總是可以解決的。
喜歡一個人總是想把他占為己有，時時刻刻陪伴在身旁，就是希望可以時刻看到他。那只不過是理想中的感情---NORMATIVE PATTERN of LOVE。。。他沒有他的工作嗎？我沒有我的夢想嗎？長遠的感情就是要雙方都愿意付出犧牲，成熟的了解感情不單只是感情，也包括責任，對將來打拼是責任。

我不要像和尚一樣，考慮太多結果什么都沒有，更不想到上年紀時隨隨便便找一個，因為我清楚自己放棄一段感情后需要一段很長的時間才敢接受另一段，我也不想一直在等待自己的MR RIGHT , come on，MR RIGHT只給幸運的小孩。。。

《我是雙子座，想法比表達快》

《我想我是喜歡你的》