Branches.

it's been a very long time didn't clean up and decorate my house.
I'm very tired, and very sleepy now, but i want to write this down.
Today my department give up incentive.
Incentive means...get it if you meet the budget. Honestly I've been trying very hard to reach my target but things just didn't run that smooth.
The instinctive me-- I guess, should be a very aggressive one. Just don't like the feeling of losing.
Don't need to be the best but at least second best!
there are few questions in my mind.
1. Should I or not delay my plan-- when actually i don't really have a very concrete plan to run as alternative. If delay means delay again and again;' if don't delay means I give up the battle here.
2. Should I or not give myself a burden-- to buy a car.
these 2 matters are interrelated.

I also don't know how. Feel like getting direction of spirit.

My Business

Find this !







will be continued.

To make a move

yupe, I love the red mountain logo so much.

since 2 days back the rythem of the theme song was keep surrounding in my mind, and I agree this is a good song. 

Recently i'm starting to absorb as much financial knowledge as I can and started to read those financial newspaper, share market news, stocks, everything regarding to investment; and also fall in love with a book called:" why we want you to be rich"

A very good point that I've picked up(as far as the half book i've read)- Society now has been changing from diamond shape (which Rich and Poor occupied the tip of top and bottom while middle class has occupied the middle part of the diamond) to a shape of concave lens and the middle part is getting thinner, soon the middle class will distinct from the middle. In short it means, rich will get richer and poor will get poorer. This is the problem, so they( the authors) want us to be rich is because they dont want us to be part of the problem, they want us to be part of the solution so the hypothesis they made will not happen. 

Thus i've been contemplating to start another journey; to be more precise i don't only think this after read this book, even earlier i've been thinking of this. The killing point is that, sayonara is hard to sing. 

to be cont. 

Lend me a pair of sincere ears.

End of year 2010. Aghast. 

None of any vocabs or words could describe the mood now.

Scientifically or logically, everything happens has a cause; every individual's story can be traced back. Hence, from my history, I should not just end up like this. Every folks praised me could be someone- in their mind someone must be holding authority, with good pay; when I enter college, peeps around though I must be someone, too- with capability, with good pay. Me myself thought that would be a good show, a show cost more than 50k. Pathetically this show ticket sold in low price. 

Didn't the previous post mentioned I feel like myself is like an useless freak, peek at others picture in fb- and think how could someone lose so much weight, what bag is she using... what an valueless action! Couldn't I spend the time in something more valuable like starting own business? I'll have a strong determination for diet when seeing someone lose weight, but damn it, I'll only jealous when seeing someone has achievement. 

The longer I stay in this place, the more I find myself non-capable; the longer I stay, the more I turn myself to a typical working people; the longer I stay, the farer the gap is, between me and them. Every gathering, compare their look with mine, I find myself getting smaller. Every talk, they are talking what is next plan when to buy car what house to buy, I can only listen with a smile- If you zoom into the smile, yon will see the ingredients of bitterness, and jealous. I used to show how strong am I, how tough am I, but I forgot tough and strong need the support of the s sign.

Every chat with friends, those lost contact for quite sometime, the first thing they ask must be: HOW ARE YOU? 

actually my answer is: I want to die.

I already exhausted, don't bother to complain, no energy to complain. Do you know how pain is this?

The stress is from the s sign. 

If we have enough, my mum will not has illness like now--mental illness is hard to cure. 

If we have enough, my family will not like what it is now, quarrel break down the communication, less communication freeze the bond. 

If we have enough... at least, no fake smile. 

I really...really...really want the courage to jump out from this comfort zone, encouragement from some important person as support, the request not high right? The most support i need from, is the one who most demotivate me and give the most discouragement. It is like crawling into the tip of a con. 

Set Me Free. 

P.L.E.A.S.E.

Can the light beam in?

The Fox and The Tail

I'm Foo, not Fool.
The beauty of Chinese make Foo become FOX-- 'hu' 狐
so MeeNgan Foo actually is Megan Fox, don't you think that is not just a coincidence?
okay, that's all for today bullshit.
The thing is like this, long time ago, there were 2 foxes. A fox mama and a fox daughter, fox daughter loved mama's tail very much. She said the tails was very soft, very nice to hold, holding it was like filled with happiness. Mama told her, she had the tail too, it was just right at her back side. Since then the fox daughter wanted to catch her own tail like how she hold mama's one, but neither she touch nor hold the tails. Until one day she was really frustrated, she cried to her mama. "i can't catch my tail..........i cant catch my happiness~!!!!!!!!!!!"
mama said:"you walk ahead, dont look back.... see, ur tail is following you as you walk ahead, your happiness is be with you as long as you walk ahead"
-end-

We get inspired by story, but seldom we act like the story. That's why I never see people wear glass heel; that's why i never see a girl keeps her hair so long untill can throw down from castle and let a guy climb up.


But if the story could get you to grin for a while, this is what we should be grateful of.
Guys, have a nice day.

It Just Happen

got back home at this time, not this late, I think half an hour ago.
I wanted to wash cloth and take bath, but just one minute before I want to take up my pail with unwashed cloth, my housemate put his cloth in the machine; and his roommate was using the machine before him. >.< lll
what to do, wait until they finish lo.
then when I realise I should take shower first and wash others cloth with hand, my another housemate stepped into bath room. arghh!
what to do, wait until my turn lo.

sometimes, things happened, what can you do? blame the situation or blame yourself of not acting n such way so that the things happened wont happen? Things go well or not, sometime is not up to our human's control, there must be a reason of such thing happen; since we can't control the uncertain factors which ruin our day, why not we control our thought which ultimately is controlled by us?

sometimes, again, things happened just like that. You can explain but not justify.
I can explain why am I into cross so much but can't justify why.
I like just because I like how it looks like, but why am I so particular like this pattern, non justifiable.
I can explain why am I in this job but i can't justify what makes me in to this career but not others?
I can explain why do I believe in this and that but it is not justifiable why so happen this 2 things come in to my life. to be precise: Insurance and Christianity.
So i said, everything happened must have its reasons, so when it happens, just let it be.

one thing I wish to shout out loud very long time ago: I love Western culture, I love English, I love white, I even have doubt am I wrongly reincarnated into oriental country and in a conservative family.

one thing I should not deny is: I was immature when i thought I was mature enough at that age, if given my recent age, I wont be doing that or I could have a better solution if given a chance to do that again, or choose it again, or act it again.
Give me further sight, I want to see further =)

Found out

Out of sudden, I have a feeling of valueless, if continuing doing what I'm doing.
Other than working; other than being asked what is the NUMBER' other than viewing friends' updates; other than viewing sexy and pretty girls' photos; other than thinking of starting up own business; other than looking for a better way out,other than entertaining those irritating people, I do nothing everyday.

Have a very good idea in brain, but not executing it yet~ say in such way to ease my guiltiness, because I don't know when am I going to start it. We can't deny flame always come and go if it is not kept flaming; this minute the thought of getting this thing done is filled in my mind, next minute i might just give it up. How ridiculous.

Was told I have a chance to present and represent, but candidates chosen are still what they used to see. Hmmm... a little bit of disappointed. If i'm given a chance, ok...I'll accept the challenge. See my title of this blog, I spit in the face of challenge. Ya, i'm waiting....

Seriously, bored to the max on my recent life. Thought of changing keep arousing me, but yet none steps are taken to make a change. In work, I dont act as proactive as before, of course! I've learnt. the more u suggest the more you need to do; it ain't a matter of doing it, but no result turn out or THEY people who occupied bigger table really expect you've done all research and all preparation, when the picture present is clear and workable, they say go ahead, and change a word of praise: WELLDONE. haha, tell u here, urge of getting higher pay is more than desire of listening to welldone, why? Because after welldone, what's next is "now u can do more and I'm expecting you to get me more value. or number.
I also become not so patient in workplace compare to last time. maybe if i were them I'll behave like this too, but now i'm not. So hardly to tolerate them. I almost lost my patient and spoke in a wrong tone, knew it has definitely defended offended them, what to do? what done is done, now i can only glu back the pieces of vase...cracks on the vase, just leave it. I can't serve them like im a slave. I'm paid for my job scope, if you are not contributing to my Kay Pee Eye, sorry, I'm hardly to please you; and also if I have ald told you what to do but yet you didnt do,and also call me anytime and expecting I get ur things done within 1 hour as if i'm working 24/7/7, sorry, your desire is hardly to be satisfied. I think everyone of us need to be taught what is discipline.........

Recently had a lunch with a friend, to be frank, he is my ex. He advised me to know more, M-O-R-E. He said I looked very nerd. hahahahahaha............speechless la, maybe I really am, but will not be in the future.

You know how an animal trapped in a cage? I think i'm the animal, and i can tell how does it feel. I'd rather to be torn in to pieces just to get the shit of the cage, and then the pieces to be sambung balik and Mia is back.

i just found out, there are lots to be improved.