Madness is not meant to be hidden, I'm just following my inner moonlight.

Another 60 days to year 2014, recap what happened the most in year 2013 is "First Time".

Noted this is not a unusual term, there are way too much "First Time" in life, however these few are remarkable one. At least, there are what I had been always wanted to do; and now, I have done. 

First in the list, braces. 

There are few posts few years back mentioned I would like to put on braces. That was procrastinated for few years, and finally it was actualized at May.  

That will be a months journey. I wish it can be shorter. 

People are telling: you are so brave. 

No, I'm not. I'm too coward not to make the items in my to-do-list happen. 

Since this appeared in my to-do-list, I have no reason not to make it concrete. 

After all, I'm just pleasing my self. 

Life, is too long when you are self-constrained to the frame that is not set by you, but others; and it is too short when you are blindly following the environment. 

Second first time, is a pair of tatoo. 

Though Chinese like to quote this: your body is given by parents. You shall appreciate them but not spoil them.

Tell you what, absofuckinglutely agree. That's why I try not to eat too much meat and consume more on vege and fruits. 

But, I don't think tatoo violate or go against the ancient thought, it is just a permanent painting on your body. 

The paint on your wall, when years passing by, the color will be faded away, let alone your skin? This is why most people are saying not to tatoo because it looks good at the time being but when skin get loosen, it will look like a shit. 

Well.. opinion is accepted gladly and I shall continue what I think is correct. 

So, she is my tatoo artist. Hishiko Ng. In fact she is my senior in college, from an artist turn to be a tatoo artist. 

What turned out is a pair of chinese word. 

女and 子

one at my left inner ankle and one at my right inner ankle.

they are my identity.

好

when I put my foot together, they combine to this word. 

and they always be with me. 

This is how they turn out to be. 

Somehow if you look from far, you will not know they are tatoos, most people think they are wound. 

Only when you see closely, or when you ask. 

That is what I obtained at July, however 2 months later.........................

This is my latest tatoo. 

It comes with a pair of wings and a self-motivational quotes. 

"Tough Time Never Last But Tough Mia Does" 

come with a pair wings. 

Got that when I traveled to Bangkok. 

My friend who was going together the trip got hers there too, and customers' reviews are good.

It was in Kaoshan Road. 

A female who doesn't know Thai, look for the tatoo shop alone, gave your idea on how you want tatoo to be done,, lied down in a strange place, start the work. 

If you ask me scare or not? hmmm.. need to be more alert and take the risk, because you are alone. Nevertheless, that was recommended by many people, a certain level of safety is confirmed. 

Unlike my previous tatoo artist, they design for me and advise. So the whole thing is my idea, and not beautified. There lies a possibility for next procedure to make it more appealing. =) 

This is how the whole thing looks like. Length is longer than my palm (my palm is bigger and longer than most ladies).

Compare to the first one, this one more painful. Although inner ankle has more nerves and suppose contributes more to painfulness, but don't know why when coloring the wing was the most painful time. 

It took lesser than 3 hours to finish it, and I finished 2 Chang Beers. In the process I requested for 5 minutes break when I can't take the painfulness, it was almost the end of the process.

hmm... after the tatoo, when i was taking a tuktuk from Kaoshan Road back to Shukumvit. 

Third "First Time"

BUNGEE JUMP

The lowest height in the world, only like 7 floors high. 

Sounds low, but when you are standing at the border, you know you are gonna jump down, you will notice your heart beat that you always ignore.

The whole process is the moment before you decide to jump. 

You know you gonna jump, you know you will be safe. But the moment you post like ready, guts that needed from the moment your brain send a message to the muscle and nerves at your feet to release yourself from standing at the border, and guts that needed to persist the message to fall freely seriously take alot. I presume more the sperms for every spurt. 

When you are tied at your feet, you have to move bit by bit, until the border, looked down. 

"fuck shit....am i going to jump down?" this might be what appear in your mind. 

Then, you thought you are close enough to the border, and yet the helper say..

"keluar sikit! keluar sikit!"

"Omg, keluar sikit straight fall lo! keluar?!!!" I dont know how you will think, but that's my thought at tht moment. 

"keluar sikit!!!"

Untill I feel my half feet were out of the border of the board...I know...no choice and i gotta fucking jump down. 

Without hesitate half a second more, I feel the gravity and seconds later i hanging in the air...... 

as per picture below. 

oh.. this is just another funny picture when we were so concered about the sunlight UV and PA. 

Of course, there are more first time in my year 2013, but above are most significant one, and need some courage to do. 

I think, we are all too busy and tired because of soaking in the high tension society, untill we forgot what we want in life. Or, forgot why we live. 

We live for ourselves, not merely for others. (take note, we do live for others too, but not merely)

"You are too busy being YOU that you have no idea how utterly unprecedented you are." (John Green, The Fault in Our Stars, 2012) 

-end of the thought for now- 

to be cont. 

Flame

除了战斗之外，我一无所有。

Branches.

it's been a very long time didn't clean up and decorate my house.
I'm very tired, and very sleepy now, but i want to write this down.
Today my department give up incentive.
Incentive means...get it if you meet the budget. Honestly I've been trying very hard to reach my target but things just didn't run that smooth.
The instinctive me-- I guess, should be a very aggressive one. Just don't like the feeling of losing.
Don't need to be the best but at least second best!
there are few questions in my mind.
1. Should I or not delay my plan-- when actually i don't really have a very concrete plan to run as alternative. If delay means delay again and again;' if don't delay means I give up the battle here.
2. Should I or not give myself a burden-- to buy a car.
these 2 matters are interrelated.

I also don't know how. Feel like getting direction of spirit.

room to let @ pindah rumah

no surprise, I'm again looking for a room.

damn surprise, renting a room/house out could earn so much.

current room and housemates are all right, except too little interaction. Perhaps I don't stay in living room so often, perhaps I wear only pyjamas in room, perhaps I stay in the house too little. It is really all right, except sometimes I have too fruitful imagination that someone is looking at me at the window. Everything is all right except is was a kitchen which opposite is another kitchen of neighbor. Everything is damn all right, i have water heater i have fridge i have washing machine i have internet access. The only thing not right is it is not located in somewhere where near my working place.

again, called few agents and surf quite some web pages. Why is rental cost so much? Why couldn't I myself have a house and rent 2 rooms of it out, to cover part of my installment of the house? come on Mia, can you afford to buy a house now? I whisper to God and myself, how I wish.

a 23 year-old girl has too many dreams to be achieved.
I want my own house, I want my own car.
I want money, I want lottery.

back to the end. I want what I haven't get.

Unforgettable

I was thinking to write a abstract one, to describe my mood, actually nothing to tell, I mean don't feel like telling. So i surfed net, and found clips below.

You will never know how much I loved band, being in military band and orchestra. I was willing to argue with my mum because of it. In fact I shouldn't use past tense, i'm still loving them. It is clear in my mind I love to watch any performances when i was secondary student, and was given a palm-stamp by my mum.

arghhh....without bullshiting, just wanna share some clips with u..

USA nation theme song-STAR AND STRIPS FOREVER.

This is hard...

THE NEW COLONIAL MARCH. previous one is from USA; this is from UK.

I'm damn happy that i'm still able to play the fingering, 80% of it. Hello, i've been away from this more than 5 years okay? See, how much this is engraved in my memory.

ahhhhhh~~~~ this is it! Theme Song of Jurassic Park!

You'll never know how much I'm hooked to this song; behind has a beauty story.

Because of this, i hurt my knee...

I didn't have discman, neither have a CD of it, forget about downloading as that was about 9 years ago...

I took a recorder to record it, when the theme song was playing in the end of the movie, since then the tape accompanied me fro years, until I was form 5...

this is the exactly same version as I always listened to.

then, someone bought me a CD of it. hmm.....all memories.....

this will takes you about 20 minutes if you listen every clip. XD

enjoy~

what for keeping it if dont want?

if don't want it, what for keeping it? 

I've been thinking to cut it short since....N months ago, ok. done now. 

look pretty much difference? 

i tell everyone, will grow back one. 

no worries. 

faking

I love my job, love my company, love my colleague. 

I gained knowledge, gained experiences, most importantly....

I gained weight. 

but why does the title would be FAKING?

it is nothing to do with the post, the content of the title will not be written here, even if it is, you won't realize too. 

Zebra protecting itself with the stripes what, this is instinct ability. 

Anyway...

back to the content. Simply post up some pictures and from there you can see how much weight I've gained in very short few months time.  

2009 Central Annual dinner @ April 5 2010. 

I was geisha, digitalized geisha who plays laptop instead of instrument. 

2009 National Annual Dinner@ April 16 2010. 

normal dinner dress. 

2010 staff dinner @ July 17. 

Go Green, the only Green element on me was--the vest. 

all old items, perfectly fit into GO GREEN concept. Recycle, Reuse what.

See the pictures, you will realize this Mia gains alot weight. WTF. whatever. 

When I decided to do means I will do and I can make it. Diet anytime. 

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Accidentally found an old photo.  Apparently I'm not there, they are all with stick. XD

ok, my very first bf is in this photo. 

(tips: first row with colored waist bell) 

to be cont. 

Good night.

Been There.

How are you? On and Off you appeared in my mind, although I'm moving on. 

"we are just two parallel lines, moving but never crossed" 

Just like the cameras, you have wide screen function when taking pictures, I have my 8GB memory card to store pictures, no matter how dark the sky is, the picture is captured, the memory is left. 

I've to tell myself, look back means stay, stay means no progress. No progress isn't what you want. So, i moved. Moving forward. Human, is a tiredness enabled creature, when I'm tired, when I'm in the mood, I'll stop by, to look back. This moment, I see clearer what is in front of me; I see where am I.

Don't know if you are awared, TIME is the greatest thief. Last summer I was there, and now another summer is coming. You are ready to shout "fucking asian",year by year, every year the same kind of yellow piece of monkeys are jumping in the streets; you shout to the same species, one of the species is missing you so much. I think, I'm not missing you that much, I just miss the time I spent there.

If I could give up everything here, I will move into your armpit..yes, you kertiak. =D

So I salute to myself

you know why, just like a kid push her head towards her dad's chest, then her dad hold her tight with his kertiak. 

or like me, lie on your chest, and you hold me with your arm, and buried my head under your kertiak.

I know, kertiak there, is forever cleaner than what I have now. 

If you, Jumbo could with me, buried head under the kertiak....

=p

FAINT.

To Be Cont.....

Summary of March

Feel like blogging for dayssss, topicsssss flash in and out but couldn't grab a solid thought and start with a right word, that is...feel so constipating-- things stuck inside somewhere but hardly to excrete them out.

Since the day I had an argument with a BITCH-- it happened in LRT. The bitch deliberately stepped her foot on my toe and waved her hand at my waist because of she didn't has enough place to stand, made me so empathize on her limbs coordination disorder; no body would do that on the person stand next to you in a crowded LRT except for below 2 reasons，

1- she is so naive and childish to think what she did was helping her to express her dissatisfaction of I didn't make a move in order to let her has bigger space for her huge age-mid-50-looked body, while I could barely stood with my feet opened like my shoulder size.  (too long description =p), OR

2- I'm so fucking narrow-minded and petty to angry on a limb coordination disorder patient. 

Obviously the latter one didn't happen, if she has limbs coordination problem, she wouldn't said: "you are so proud of standing; now I can sit!" wtf!!!?????(she said this to me) 

too long to describe the story here. Seriously,no body would do things like the BITCH, yes, no body...this kinda creature, I named them : NO BODY. 

Then, I'd like to post a topic of no body. I've observed there are too many people living mundanely in a stressful world, so they are more likely to use their little tiny authority or advantage or do nonsense things, to fulfill their need, to balance their mental imbalance. BUT due to time constraint, sleeping hours insufficiency, vocab shortage, unable to visualize thought into words, till now, the post of NOBODY still yet to be finished. 

  

your vibe emits the energy, and it attracts more of the same to you. 

Sounds really... nonsense, literally. XD, for a simple understanding, it simply means, to be positive and strongly, confidently believe that what you want is about to be realized, it is coming. 

So, I'm trying hard to practice, some success some were failure.  

Success: I want a good week, following days after the incident in LRT, thus I  tasted a lot good food. (it puts on my weight too>.<) 

People know me well understand that I'm not into oily food...whatever fried food, salty food. Since I work, it change little by little, there are too many good foods around. So I went to a CHAR SIEW stall in a restaurant in TMN PARAMOUNT. The first and ever I'm missing a food so much. Took some pictures, but my phone spoiled ald, can't transfer to my lappy, here start the story of failure practice after the good one. 

My phone really spoiled, I was so determine I want my phone back to normal, I don't even wish for a new phone yet....Unfortunately, it left me....it dumped me...Sadistic lady always wouldn't let object force her to a corner...In the end, I thrown the phone onto the wall... hahahahahahahaha, and of course, certified, announced death, declared dead! (XD vs T_T) 

what happened in my March? just like that....

I'm so so so so so sleepy...want to sleep now. I'm sure pretty much mistake in this post. Whatever la, damn sleepy d... Good Night and Happy fool 

Linkage made by patches .

there are something that I don't know how to put on mouth.

there are something I don't know how to act, don't even know where to start the act at. 

there are something I over look and don't know how big the impact is. 

I've been thinking of him, the consequences after I did something. 

I have a friend, i call him my brother, abang angkat. Not a formal one, not yet gone through a ceremony =D, and just finish reading some of his posts. my heart sour quite a lot after read his post, he broke up with his ex who about to engage with.

I had him, an important person in my life though. He taught me quite a lot, brought me happiness too. What was the most exciting thing was to wait him home in a mundane life. Days gone, years pass. In the end of our relationship, I said let's break in a firm stand. Yes, he beg for patching; he asked for chances. I was so firm to say no. We've been together for 3 years and 5months; I keep thinking of him recently, even before his mum called me. Scenes together flashed back, yea, we went through sweet time, rarely had argument. 

He said he never thought of i would left him. 

He said after I went his life was miserable. 

All i know, is wishing him to have a great life ahead. 

after him, was another whom I don't feel to talk any more. I've been blogging and talking too much of him. He  even appears in our conversation. 

Why would I so sentimental when I read my abang angkat's blog? Why would I so sour when I put myself on his stand (my bro and my ex)?

I'm thinking if one day the one I rely on leave me again. Can I cope with this? 

barely could accept. 

You can say i'm an independent girl, you can be terrified when I'm in real independent, it means I don't need you; but I feel like losing the desire to be one. I have a big arm, huge body and 'bak-bak' shoulder to rely on, and it is too comfortable to rely on. Sometimes I hate myself of loving one, because i feel like losing the real me. wthhhhh.

Somehow somewhat I'm willing to. (*)

Just now was chatting with a friend from USA, we have a big age gap, she is ald 65 years old. 

She told me his husband was hospitalized for 8 weeks. I'm not pessimistic, but too far sight to foresee something. Few decades later how if he leave me before I do? 

leave me a huge amount of inheritance will do. XD

ok, back, I just want a stable life, where we can live happily. 

every Sunday, I'm damn long necked to wait for Tuesday coming; after that is waiting for coming Friday. 

So now, I'm waiting for Tuesday again. 

Compare (and there you finish)

One thing I don't deny, I have quite a lot of friends; quite a lot of friends in opposite sex.

So when they complain their gf to me,I always try to be mediator; however deep down my heart, I'm despising the girl...for me,I do think being in a relationship, both parties should have put efforts instead of only insist say, guys should be more devoting. I mean, both should be reasonable. So, It causes me to put myself in another's shoes, because I don't want a guy complains about me to his friend, like what those guys complained their gf to me. Maybe this is the problem, I've listened too much stories for guys, where they claimed how much they sacrificed for their gf, need me to list down one by one? I can't list down all, but I can list down 5-8 guys who had complained to me. Therefore, I always try to be a GF that not bringing problems (at least not the problems like their gf brought them). From movie, we always watch how willful and unreasonable a girl can be, and how annoying to be a girl like that. Thus, I always remind myself don't be this kinda girl.

Unfortunately, I'm still a girl. Nah--I'm still a female...

Why others can but you can't?

For whatever circumstances, this shitty "innocent" question undeniably pretty helpful in stir up the fire.

say, in an argument. Why others can but you can't?

or, no argument, but either party remain silence and flash back. Why others can but you can't?

I think, I knew, comparisonl makes things worse...

You get angry, because you compare-- Why others can but you can't?

You get mad, because you compare--Why others can but you can't?

Girl: Why who and who's bf can bought it for her but you can't? Why my ex boy friend did it for me but you can't? 

Guy: Why others girls won't be so demanding but you? Why my others girl friends can be so reasonable but you can't?

See, the problem is, compare--Why others can but you can't?; this is not the fatal cause, the stupid reason that people always overlook is: people only listen story from one party, like what I did, I only listened stories from those guys. 

Guy:  Who and who's bf bought her because he is rich; I'm not. Fair enough? 

         Your ex bf did it because he didn't think wisely; I'm not, and I don't feel the obligation to do so. Fair enough? 

(girls, you don't even listen or understand how my situation is)

Girl: They don't be so demanding because whatever they want are already given. huhhuh...Fair enough?

       They can be so reasonable because they only being unreasonable to their bf, whom not the one who standing right in front of me and questioning me why being so unreasonable. huhhuh...Fair enough? 

(guys, you don't even see another side of story) 

I don't mean to complain, cards of you and him or you and her are not supposed to put on table, this is a fair game, and here is a public place if you know what I mean. I'm just standing on a female's stand, trying not to be sentimentally, to analyze relationship between man and woman. 

But again, unfortunately, I'm still a gi....Nah...I'm still a female. XD

and tell a secret (idiot, openly tell a secret), I read a post from an oversea resident but posted locally, and discover something. Well...and I was comparing again. 

So sad  I'm not only being a female, but being a human. ah huh...

Stage 3

Friends around are getting married. Can't help from sighing time flies.

I did a rough analyze, a very basic analyze like counting 1+1. Whole life of one can be divided to few stages,

stage 1: When we were kids, the biggest things to think about was: I want eat this, play that...
stage 2: When we were studying, which had occupied 1 quarter of one'e life. Troubles was started thrown in by others. Result, friendship, loveship, most importantly was still: what is the next session? (for yum cha, movie, singk, clubbing...)
stage 3 (which is current stage): started to work, first step into bloody cruelty society; some who worked for few  years and have steady relationship with another half are started to commit with each other. Like my friends.
stage 4,5,6,7..... After married, have kids, work very very very hard to raise the children up, support them to further study like what their parents had done(like me and him, if reach up to this stage successfully), continue working meanwhile waiting children to bring their another half, worried how are their children's career and business, worried when are they going to get married and born few grandchildren...
By then, we are at age of 60++ (assume first kid is born at age 30, and the kid get married at the same age as us), hopefully have already retired, and playing with grandchildren. At this age of 60+++, physically and mentally probably go back to kids' stage, injured easily and fall out unreasonably...

How many 10 years in one's life? few decades back perhaps average had 8 decades in one's life; now average is 7.5, I guess for us (80's born babies). 6.5 decades?

How long time you've spent on reading this? Life end like how you finish this entry, it is fast; like how moon and sun shuttle front and back, you can never stop it.
Some have chosen a right path way to have a better life; some are so unlucky couldn't find a easier way out.
I'm at the stage 3, and I'm figuring which is a right path way.

to my dear: we can be perfect match; however sometimes we are quite distinct in perspective and the way managing things. I hope we could walk hand by hand until the end of our life, we both need to work out. I know you are trying, I'm trying hard either. Phobia on this matter has not cured completely yet, actually I don't think it can be healed, anyway thanks for concealing it by your hard works. Frankly say and touch wood, if we fail, I don't think I have the courage to start a new one. Let's pray for the best and work for the best. Keep our finger crossed. You've taught me a lot, I hope you do learn from me too, at least not that less. 
I love you. 

justice in sushi ---i give u a punishement on behalf of the moon!

Yo~!~! today is first day of SUSHI KING member privillge day, who ever hold a SUSHI KING member card is entitle to enjoy each plate sushi with onli 2 bucks!!! So we canceled the plan of having steamboat, instead we went for SUSHI!!!

shit, lot of ppl like us wanna enjoy RM2 sushi...it was a long Q... after a long discussion and it seems quote alot ppl get in, we decided to stay n wait for RM2 sushi.

finally, we deserve a table for 5, which is juz near the roll...yippy!!! i was sitting inside which nearest to the roll, so i was the one who take sushi for Jason, Janette, Serene and Winnie.

it was in the halg we eating... a guy who sit at behind, his seat couldnt get those most wanted sushi, so he came behind me, stanf there wait for sushies that usually sell at more than 2 bucks. opposite me, is a lady who played a role like me, to get sushies for her peer. story started here...

the unagis or prawns were served, couldnt rmb which la...the first plate was put on the roll n it was delivered toward the gal there, the gal and the guy take it at the same time, but the guy took it successfully, i saw the dissapointement on the gal's face, it is ok, 2nd plate was on the way. The guy again took the sushi, the gal again dissapointed, the 3rd plate happened under the same stuation which the guy not giving the gal to take the sushi. the 4th plate was served, the gal wanted to take it but she failed, the sushi was taken bu an auntie....until the 5th plate, the gal wanted to take it because she hasnt take even one plate, but the guy who doesnt know the meaning of lady first,or perhaps he is not a guy at that moment due to blinded by the sushies infront, this blody cursed fella wanted to take the sushi again! as a outsider who witness the whole process which started since the guy graped the 1st plate, 2nd plate, 3 plate; the gal failed to get 1st plate, 2nd plate, 3rd plate , 4th plate, and the 5th plate is like goin to be graped by the sushies greed-guy, justice from bottom og my heart grown up within a blink, before the guy's hand get the plate of sushi, my hand was faster than him, i pushed away his hand which almost get the plate, and i take the sushi...again, the girl showed dissapointment becoz she tot her sushi, gone again. Then, i give the sushi to the gal, and giv her a little smile~

" wah....Mia.....ur face were juz very justice......" Jason said.
sign...im kinda easily red-face one....i feel very hot, i think my face red liao...
and the guy whom block my me to get the 5th plate of sushi, he get the next plate od sushi, and take it to the gal who opposite me, but of coz he was rejected!

haha, this kinda guy...u deserved it la, if im the one who taken the first plate from another one, the next plate i will giv to the one; as a guy, shouldn't he let the lady first??? sign....

“我要代替月亮惩罚你！！！”