Lend me a pair of sincere ears.

End of year 2010. Aghast. 

None of any vocabs or words could describe the mood now.

Scientifically or logically, everything happens has a cause; every individual's story can be traced back. Hence, from my history, I should not just end up like this. Every folks praised me could be someone- in their mind someone must be holding authority, with good pay; when I enter college, peeps around though I must be someone, too- with capability, with good pay. Me myself thought that would be a good show, a show cost more than 50k. Pathetically this show ticket sold in low price. 

Didn't the previous post mentioned I feel like myself is like an useless freak, peek at others picture in fb- and think how could someone lose so much weight, what bag is she using... what an valueless action! Couldn't I spend the time in something more valuable like starting own business? I'll have a strong determination for diet when seeing someone lose weight, but damn it, I'll only jealous when seeing someone has achievement. 

The longer I stay in this place, the more I find myself non-capable; the longer I stay, the more I turn myself to a typical working people; the longer I stay, the farer the gap is, between me and them. Every gathering, compare their look with mine, I find myself getting smaller. Every talk, they are talking what is next plan when to buy car what house to buy, I can only listen with a smile- If you zoom into the smile, yon will see the ingredients of bitterness, and jealous. I used to show how strong am I, how tough am I, but I forgot tough and strong need the support of the s sign.

Every chat with friends, those lost contact for quite sometime, the first thing they ask must be: HOW ARE YOU? 

actually my answer is: I want to die.

I already exhausted, don't bother to complain, no energy to complain. Do you know how pain is this?

The stress is from the s sign. 

If we have enough, my mum will not has illness like now--mental illness is hard to cure. 

If we have enough, my family will not like what it is now, quarrel break down the communication, less communication freeze the bond. 

If we have enough... at least, no fake smile. 

I really...really...really want the courage to jump out from this comfort zone, encouragement from some important person as support, the request not high right? The most support i need from, is the one who most demotivate me and give the most discouragement. It is like crawling into the tip of a con. 

Set Me Free. 

P.L.E.A.S.E.

Can the light beam in?

The Fox and The Tail

I'm Foo, not Fool.
The beauty of Chinese make Foo become FOX-- 'hu' 狐
so MeeNgan Foo actually is Megan Fox, don't you think that is not just a coincidence?
okay, that's all for today bullshit.
The thing is like this, long time ago, there were 2 foxes. A fox mama and a fox daughter, fox daughter loved mama's tail very much. She said the tails was very soft, very nice to hold, holding it was like filled with happiness. Mama told her, she had the tail too, it was just right at her back side. Since then the fox daughter wanted to catch her own tail like how she hold mama's one, but neither she touch nor hold the tails. Until one day she was really frustrated, she cried to her mama. "i can't catch my tail..........i cant catch my happiness~!!!!!!!!!!!"
mama said:"you walk ahead, dont look back.... see, ur tail is following you as you walk ahead, your happiness is be with you as long as you walk ahead"
-end-

We get inspired by story, but seldom we act like the story. That's why I never see people wear glass heel; that's why i never see a girl keeps her hair so long untill can throw down from castle and let a guy climb up.


But if the story could get you to grin for a while, this is what we should be grateful of.
Guys, have a nice day.

It Just Happen

got back home at this time, not this late, I think half an hour ago.
I wanted to wash cloth and take bath, but just one minute before I want to take up my pail with unwashed cloth, my housemate put his cloth in the machine; and his roommate was using the machine before him. >.< lll
what to do, wait until they finish lo.
then when I realise I should take shower first and wash others cloth with hand, my another housemate stepped into bath room. arghh!
what to do, wait until my turn lo.

sometimes, things happened, what can you do? blame the situation or blame yourself of not acting n such way so that the things happened wont happen? Things go well or not, sometime is not up to our human's control, there must be a reason of such thing happen; since we can't control the uncertain factors which ruin our day, why not we control our thought which ultimately is controlled by us?

sometimes, again, things happened just like that. You can explain but not justify.
I can explain why am I into cross so much but can't justify why.
I like just because I like how it looks like, but why am I so particular like this pattern, non justifiable.
I can explain why am I in this job but i can't justify what makes me in to this career but not others?
I can explain why do I believe in this and that but it is not justifiable why so happen this 2 things come in to my life. to be precise: Insurance and Christianity.
So i said, everything happened must have its reasons, so when it happens, just let it be.

one thing I wish to shout out loud very long time ago: I love Western culture, I love English, I love white, I even have doubt am I wrongly reincarnated into oriental country and in a conservative family.

one thing I should not deny is: I was immature when i thought I was mature enough at that age, if given my recent age, I wont be doing that or I could have a better solution if given a chance to do that again, or choose it again, or act it again.
Give me further sight, I want to see further =)

Found out

Out of sudden, I have a feeling of valueless, if continuing doing what I'm doing.
Other than working; other than being asked what is the NUMBER' other than viewing friends' updates; other than viewing sexy and pretty girls' photos; other than thinking of starting up own business; other than looking for a better way out,other than entertaining those irritating people, I do nothing everyday.

Have a very good idea in brain, but not executing it yet~ say in such way to ease my guiltiness, because I don't know when am I going to start it. We can't deny flame always come and go if it is not kept flaming; this minute the thought of getting this thing done is filled in my mind, next minute i might just give it up. How ridiculous.

Was told I have a chance to present and represent, but candidates chosen are still what they used to see. Hmmm... a little bit of disappointed. If i'm given a chance, ok...I'll accept the challenge. See my title of this blog, I spit in the face of challenge. Ya, i'm waiting....

Seriously, bored to the max on my recent life. Thought of changing keep arousing me, but yet none steps are taken to make a change. In work, I dont act as proactive as before, of course! I've learnt. the more u suggest the more you need to do; it ain't a matter of doing it, but no result turn out or THEY people who occupied bigger table really expect you've done all research and all preparation, when the picture present is clear and workable, they say go ahead, and change a word of praise: WELLDONE. haha, tell u here, urge of getting higher pay is more than desire of listening to welldone, why? Because after welldone, what's next is "now u can do more and I'm expecting you to get me more value. or number.
I also become not so patient in workplace compare to last time. maybe if i were them I'll behave like this too, but now i'm not. So hardly to tolerate them. I almost lost my patient and spoke in a wrong tone, knew it has definitely defended offended them, what to do? what done is done, now i can only glu back the pieces of vase...cracks on the vase, just leave it. I can't serve them like im a slave. I'm paid for my job scope, if you are not contributing to my Kay Pee Eye, sorry, I'm hardly to please you; and also if I have ald told you what to do but yet you didnt do,and also call me anytime and expecting I get ur things done within 1 hour as if i'm working 24/7/7, sorry, your desire is hardly to be satisfied. I think everyone of us need to be taught what is discipline.........

Recently had a lunch with a friend, to be frank, he is my ex. He advised me to know more, M-O-R-E. He said I looked very nerd. hahahahahaha............speechless la, maybe I really am, but will not be in the future.

You know how an animal trapped in a cage? I think i'm the animal, and i can tell how does it feel. I'd rather to be torn in to pieces just to get the shit of the cage, and then the pieces to be sambung balik and Mia is back.

i just found out, there are lots to be improved.

The Best Rojak ever.

he-ll-o~~

let this be a blog like ROJAK, FYI, if you don't know what is rojak.  
ROJAK /roh-jahk, noun and adjective. A Malay salad-like dish with a dressing of a sweet black sauce, prawn paste and chopped peanuts. Also used as a colloquial expression for an eclectic mixto describe the multi-ethnic character of Malaysian and Singaporean society.
For those eat rojak, are those who would like to eat few fruits in small amount at one time, with various of reasons.

let this look like ROJAK.
The only reason is: the typing fella here feels like telling tons of thoughts but none in complete piece; instead of posting few posts, why not make it all-in-one, like how rojak does. Rojak is being served, NOW.

Ingredient 1:

OF COURSE this little dummy likes her JAM.OR.BREAD; else she won't be sacrificing lots of time on the imbalance output and input subject(as capital). That's so right in that track and that projects a so bright picture to her. BUT will the subject gives her what she wants? this is different story. Like her friends who like production so much, will that future projected by the ideal outcome comes true? If you believe in insistence and persistence which in the end leads most Great Men to success, make sure you are in a right track; insist and persistently walking to West to see sun rise is just a joke. Is the capital subject is a joke?

Ingredient 2:

Look back to what she is doing in her capital subject above...this is damn so fail lo. She is always like a ham of the hamburger, insert in between 2 breads and dressing + vege. Trying to be an added value ham, but the situation always make her so useless. maybe, this is another failed ham too. She hatesn of being a stupid. "THE MORE YOU KNOW, THE MORE YOU'LL KNOW HOW LITTLE YOU KNOW". She used to be strong, she wanted to be strong, everyone say she is strong. In fact, she rather to be smarter. Is an abandoned woman who works hard to bring up her children strong? Defintely!Still strong over smarter?

Ingredient 3:

the iPhone 4 has just been launched, look the 3GS. Why not wait another few months to get this? even cheaper! at that situation there were too many reasons to make her made this decision. ANYWAY, 3GS works good for her.

Ingredient 4:
she is too tired.
tired of being tired.
Why should she think so much? Why can't she go directly once identify the direction. Why others can while she is yet to achieve?

Ingredient 5:
She had nightmare, she was about to be murdered. In the dream she thought of many tricks to escape, to save others. In the end, she was rescued, but the rest? No idea, because she was woke up by alarm. Few times ald, few times she thought of tricks in dream to save people.

 hey, i'm too tired to think her problems. I have a lots too.
Naturally it will be solved.

room to let @ pindah rumah

no surprise, I'm again looking for a room.

damn surprise, renting a room/house out could earn so much.

current room and housemates are all right, except too little interaction. Perhaps I don't stay in living room so often, perhaps I wear only pyjamas in room, perhaps I stay in the house too little. It is really all right, except sometimes I have too fruitful imagination that someone is looking at me at the window. Everything is all right except is was a kitchen which opposite is another kitchen of neighbor. Everything is damn all right, i have water heater i have fridge i have washing machine i have internet access. The only thing not right is it is not located in somewhere where near my working place.

again, called few agents and surf quite some web pages. Why is rental cost so much? Why couldn't I myself have a house and rent 2 rooms of it out, to cover part of my installment of the house? come on Mia, can you afford to buy a house now? I whisper to God and myself, how I wish.

a 23 year-old girl has too many dreams to be achieved.
I want my own house, I want my own car.
I want money, I want lottery.

back to the end. I want what I haven't get.

今日好

今天的部落用中文，不用广东话。

今天过得好。。。

我的打扮好特别；好特别的打扮令我发型好级别~

那花了不超过20块的套装穿的我格外不舒服，内层的线头刺得我浑身起鸡皮疙瘩，特高的领子令到我的短发往外翘，外翘的短发看起来真级别。 衣服的线头根根刺着皮肤，人也不自主地提高。。。像是惊弓之鸟，对身边事物特别提高警惕，人也变得特别敏感。 看见车子往前驶来，竟妄想它将会撞过来；眼见前方车辆摩托车快要相撞，不禁捏一把冷汗；见老摩托骑士不开灯驾驶，竟变得闷闷不乐。一切一切，就像吹涨的气球；亦像孕妇超肿胀的双脚，层皮薄得蔽眼即能见其下血丝；一刺既破。

今天过得好。。。 

走在回家路上，心中想着的过去；级别得来又带点情趣。想着遭遇；级别得来带点苦笑。想着你我他的分别，即级别又混扰。摇头一想，为何变得如此多疑？即使他人对我心怀不愧，对我怀恨在心，对我误会重重，有心占我便宜，他妈的老娘人定胜天。有时候多看一眼那些人的嘴脸，少一点控制都会挥拳向以示敬，只不过越想越无能，追根究底就只有改变自己方能以双眼往下瞄人，那种人。镜子里的自己偶尔过得好辛苦，但之一于二的分别就只是多了一划少了一横，想着想着想歪了，就勒一勒自己，二就变一，一也会变二。

今天过得好。。。

听说我变“干”了。

一个女子变干即变“奸”

变奸没有错，变奸保护自己更是天公地道；只是奸不来的鼠鹿要如何跟豺狼拼斗？

一面数着粮银，一面想着。。。 

坐在快乐城看着老婆婆经过，变干的鼠鹿被滋润了一下。

好不快乐哦～～～

补充，是眼睛被滋润了一下。　

今天过得好。。。

级别。

这几天过得好级别。

过去那星期过得好级别。

不过那级别发型的始作俑者－－不过２０块的衣服让我想通一件事。

一件衣服里面的线头令我精神紧绷；一个头脑里的线头令我想的太多。

放松一下，等待旅行吧。　

我想，死在雪山也是个浪漫的悲剧。（鸡蛋！那该死的韩剧烧掉吧！）

放松一下，冲个凉，睡觉吧。

我想，睡醒后我是个变干的女鼠鹿，头颅内不相干的线头也被挑走了！

今天还有两份钟。

明天要过得更好。

言的利，这次我写的部落比你的抽象吧。哈哈！