Linkage made by patches .

there are something that I don't know how to put on mouth.

there are something I don't know how to act, don't even know where to start the act at. 

there are something I over look and don't know how big the impact is. 

I've been thinking of him, the consequences after I did something. 

I have a friend, i call him my brother, abang angkat. Not a formal one, not yet gone through a ceremony =D, and just finish reading some of his posts. my heart sour quite a lot after read his post, he broke up with his ex who about to engage with.

I had him, an important person in my life though. He taught me quite a lot, brought me happiness too. What was the most exciting thing was to wait him home in a mundane life. Days gone, years pass. In the end of our relationship, I said let's break in a firm stand. Yes, he beg for patching; he asked for chances. I was so firm to say no. We've been together for 3 years and 5months; I keep thinking of him recently, even before his mum called me. Scenes together flashed back, yea, we went through sweet time, rarely had argument. 

He said he never thought of i would left him. 

He said after I went his life was miserable. 

All i know, is wishing him to have a great life ahead. 

after him, was another whom I don't feel to talk any more. I've been blogging and talking too much of him. He  even appears in our conversation. 

Why would I so sentimental when I read my abang angkat's blog? Why would I so sour when I put myself on his stand (my bro and my ex)?

I'm thinking if one day the one I rely on leave me again. Can I cope with this? 

barely could accept. 

You can say i'm an independent girl, you can be terrified when I'm in real independent, it means I don't need you; but I feel like losing the desire to be one. I have a big arm, huge body and 'bak-bak' shoulder to rely on, and it is too comfortable to rely on. Sometimes I hate myself of loving one, because i feel like losing the real me. wthhhhh.

Somehow somewhat I'm willing to. (*)

Just now was chatting with a friend from USA, we have a big age gap, she is ald 65 years old. 

She told me his husband was hospitalized for 8 weeks. I'm not pessimistic, but too far sight to foresee something. Few decades later how if he leave me before I do? 

leave me a huge amount of inheritance will do. XD

ok, back, I just want a stable life, where we can live happily. 

every Sunday, I'm damn long necked to wait for Tuesday coming; after that is waiting for coming Friday. 

So now, I'm waiting for Tuesday again.