Summary of March

Feel like blogging for dayssss, topicsssss flash in and out but couldn't grab a solid thought and start with a right word, that is...feel so constipating-- things stuck inside somewhere but hardly to excrete them out.

Since the day I had an argument with a BITCH-- it happened in LRT. The bitch deliberately stepped her foot on my toe and waved her hand at my waist because of she didn't has enough place to stand, made me so empathize on her limbs coordination disorder; no body would do that on the person stand next to you in a crowded LRT except for below 2 reasons，

1- she is so naive and childish to think what she did was helping her to express her dissatisfaction of I didn't make a move in order to let her has bigger space for her huge age-mid-50-looked body, while I could barely stood with my feet opened like my shoulder size.  (too long description =p), OR

2- I'm so fucking narrow-minded and petty to angry on a limb coordination disorder patient. 

Obviously the latter one didn't happen, if she has limbs coordination problem, she wouldn't said: "you are so proud of standing; now I can sit!" wtf!!!?????(she said this to me) 

too long to describe the story here. Seriously,no body would do things like the BITCH, yes, no body...this kinda creature, I named them : NO BODY. 

Then, I'd like to post a topic of no body. I've observed there are too many people living mundanely in a stressful world, so they are more likely to use their little tiny authority or advantage or do nonsense things, to fulfill their need, to balance their mental imbalance. BUT due to time constraint, sleeping hours insufficiency, vocab shortage, unable to visualize thought into words, till now, the post of NOBODY still yet to be finished. 

  

your vibe emits the energy, and it attracts more of the same to you. 

Sounds really... nonsense, literally. XD, for a simple understanding, it simply means, to be positive and strongly, confidently believe that what you want is about to be realized, it is coming. 

So, I'm trying hard to practice, some success some were failure.  

Success: I want a good week, following days after the incident in LRT, thus I  tasted a lot good food. (it puts on my weight too>.<) 

People know me well understand that I'm not into oily food...whatever fried food, salty food. Since I work, it change little by little, there are too many good foods around. So I went to a CHAR SIEW stall in a restaurant in TMN PARAMOUNT. The first and ever I'm missing a food so much. Took some pictures, but my phone spoiled ald, can't transfer to my lappy, here start the story of failure practice after the good one. 

My phone really spoiled, I was so determine I want my phone back to normal, I don't even wish for a new phone yet....Unfortunately, it left me....it dumped me...Sadistic lady always wouldn't let object force her to a corner...In the end, I thrown the phone onto the wall... hahahahahahahaha, and of course, certified, announced death, declared dead! (XD vs T_T) 

what happened in my March? just like that....

I'm so so so so so sleepy...want to sleep now. I'm sure pretty much mistake in this post. Whatever la, damn sleepy d... Good Night and Happy fool 

Linkage made by patches .

there are something that I don't know how to put on mouth.

there are something I don't know how to act, don't even know where to start the act at. 

there are something I over look and don't know how big the impact is. 

I've been thinking of him, the consequences after I did something. 

I have a friend, i call him my brother, abang angkat. Not a formal one, not yet gone through a ceremony =D, and just finish reading some of his posts. my heart sour quite a lot after read his post, he broke up with his ex who about to engage with.

I had him, an important person in my life though. He taught me quite a lot, brought me happiness too. What was the most exciting thing was to wait him home in a mundane life. Days gone, years pass. In the end of our relationship, I said let's break in a firm stand. Yes, he beg for patching; he asked for chances. I was so firm to say no. We've been together for 3 years and 5months; I keep thinking of him recently, even before his mum called me. Scenes together flashed back, yea, we went through sweet time, rarely had argument. 

He said he never thought of i would left him. 

He said after I went his life was miserable. 

All i know, is wishing him to have a great life ahead. 

after him, was another whom I don't feel to talk any more. I've been blogging and talking too much of him. He  even appears in our conversation. 

Why would I so sentimental when I read my abang angkat's blog? Why would I so sour when I put myself on his stand (my bro and my ex)?

I'm thinking if one day the one I rely on leave me again. Can I cope with this? 

barely could accept. 

You can say i'm an independent girl, you can be terrified when I'm in real independent, it means I don't need you; but I feel like losing the desire to be one. I have a big arm, huge body and 'bak-bak' shoulder to rely on, and it is too comfortable to rely on. Sometimes I hate myself of loving one, because i feel like losing the real me. wthhhhh.

Somehow somewhat I'm willing to. (*)

Just now was chatting with a friend from USA, we have a big age gap, she is ald 65 years old. 

She told me his husband was hospitalized for 8 weeks. I'm not pessimistic, but too far sight to foresee something. Few decades later how if he leave me before I do? 

leave me a huge amount of inheritance will do. XD

ok, back, I just want a stable life, where we can live happily. 

every Sunday, I'm damn long necked to wait for Tuesday coming; after that is waiting for coming Friday. 

So now, I'm waiting for Tuesday again. 

Compare (and there you finish)

One thing I don't deny, I have quite a lot of friends; quite a lot of friends in opposite sex.

So when they complain their gf to me,I always try to be mediator; however deep down my heart, I'm despising the girl...for me,I do think being in a relationship, both parties should have put efforts instead of only insist say, guys should be more devoting. I mean, both should be reasonable. So, It causes me to put myself in another's shoes, because I don't want a guy complains about me to his friend, like what those guys complained their gf to me. Maybe this is the problem, I've listened too much stories for guys, where they claimed how much they sacrificed for their gf, need me to list down one by one? I can't list down all, but I can list down 5-8 guys who had complained to me. Therefore, I always try to be a GF that not bringing problems (at least not the problems like their gf brought them). From movie, we always watch how willful and unreasonable a girl can be, and how annoying to be a girl like that. Thus, I always remind myself don't be this kinda girl.

Unfortunately, I'm still a girl. Nah--I'm still a female...

Why others can but you can't?

For whatever circumstances, this shitty "innocent" question undeniably pretty helpful in stir up the fire.

say, in an argument. Why others can but you can't?

or, no argument, but either party remain silence and flash back. Why others can but you can't?

I think, I knew, comparisonl makes things worse...

You get angry, because you compare-- Why others can but you can't?

You get mad, because you compare--Why others can but you can't?

Girl: Why who and who's bf can bought it for her but you can't? Why my ex boy friend did it for me but you can't? 

Guy: Why others girls won't be so demanding but you? Why my others girl friends can be so reasonable but you can't?

See, the problem is, compare--Why others can but you can't?; this is not the fatal cause, the stupid reason that people always overlook is: people only listen story from one party, like what I did, I only listened stories from those guys. 

Guy:  Who and who's bf bought her because he is rich; I'm not. Fair enough? 

         Your ex bf did it because he didn't think wisely; I'm not, and I don't feel the obligation to do so. Fair enough? 

(girls, you don't even listen or understand how my situation is)

Girl: They don't be so demanding because whatever they want are already given. huhhuh...Fair enough?

       They can be so reasonable because they only being unreasonable to their bf, whom not the one who standing right in front of me and questioning me why being so unreasonable. huhhuh...Fair enough? 

(guys, you don't even see another side of story) 

I don't mean to complain, cards of you and him or you and her are not supposed to put on table, this is a fair game, and here is a public place if you know what I mean. I'm just standing on a female's stand, trying not to be sentimentally, to analyze relationship between man and woman. 

But again, unfortunately, I'm still a gi....Nah...I'm still a female. XD

and tell a secret (idiot, openly tell a secret), I read a post from an oversea resident but posted locally, and discover something. Well...and I was comparing again. 

So sad  I'm not only being a female, but being a human. ah huh...

Stage 3

Friends around are getting married. Can't help from sighing time flies.

I did a rough analyze, a very basic analyze like counting 1+1. Whole life of one can be divided to few stages,

stage 1: When we were kids, the biggest things to think about was: I want eat this, play that...
stage 2: When we were studying, which had occupied 1 quarter of one'e life. Troubles was started thrown in by others. Result, friendship, loveship, most importantly was still: what is the next session? (for yum cha, movie, singk, clubbing...)
stage 3 (which is current stage): started to work, first step into bloody cruelty society; some who worked for few  years and have steady relationship with another half are started to commit with each other. Like my friends.
stage 4,5,6,7..... After married, have kids, work very very very hard to raise the children up, support them to further study like what their parents had done(like me and him, if reach up to this stage successfully), continue working meanwhile waiting children to bring their another half, worried how are their children's career and business, worried when are they going to get married and born few grandchildren...
By then, we are at age of 60++ (assume first kid is born at age 30, and the kid get married at the same age as us), hopefully have already retired, and playing with grandchildren. At this age of 60+++, physically and mentally probably go back to kids' stage, injured easily and fall out unreasonably...

How many 10 years in one's life? few decades back perhaps average had 8 decades in one's life; now average is 7.5, I guess for us (80's born babies). 6.5 decades?

How long time you've spent on reading this? Life end like how you finish this entry, it is fast; like how moon and sun shuttle front and back, you can never stop it.
Some have chosen a right path way to have a better life; some are so unlucky couldn't find a easier way out.
I'm at the stage 3, and I'm figuring which is a right path way.

to my dear: we can be perfect match; however sometimes we are quite distinct in perspective and the way managing things. I hope we could walk hand by hand until the end of our life, we both need to work out. I know you are trying, I'm trying hard either. Phobia on this matter has not cured completely yet, actually I don't think it can be healed, anyway thanks for concealing it by your hard works. Frankly say and touch wood, if we fail, I don't think I have the courage to start a new one. Let's pray for the best and work for the best. Keep our finger crossed. You've taught me a lot, I hope you do learn from me too, at least not that less. 
I love you. 

H.I.M

Yesterday was LJMU summer program convocation, this has successfully awaken people like me, always think back Liverpool. Anyway, this post is not going to talk about the convo...

This is him. No doubt, and I can never deny, he is brilliant and is a fast thinker. So here he goes for the award of "Best Overall Improvement"

Congratulation.

The smartest goaty guy ever.

JJ: Don't try to be smart with me; and now you trying to be a smart *mute*.

p/s: find out more at http://mia-patra.blogspot.com/2010/01/gotcha.html