why am i? what i want?

It is 0113 in the wee hour. I suppose to do my reading, actually i was doing.
Got a news- my fren(someone not reli close to) might not goin UK, reason being is he doesnt thnk that is what he wants. Thus, i start a conversation with "thin-pet"

He light up his ciggie, so do i...
Then, i stand at balcony, with the lighted up ciggie, look to the far, and think: WHAT DO I WANT? Do i need to go UK? How is the 3 months will be?

I started to doubt, does it worth for going there...
i wanted to go SG. 2 reasons.
1- i hate Malaysia, of its "management", policy, safety issue
2- SG has what-who i want.

Another problem arised. Can i get what i want? When standing at balcony, i asked myself. "Do u determined to go Sg is just because of ...?" "Nope" very fast, in a blink, i know im not just goin there becoz of that, i don lose myself becoz of that.
Followed, ask myslef again, what can u be at there?
Be in media firm-Media corp? thx KS, your encouragement.
Be in management team, in any organization.
Be in hotel line, as what i study shld be matchable
Be in advertising firm, as im cretive all the time
Biggest dream to be achieved, is to be in management team.
But to bein management team, yo must reach their lowest expectation and requirement. With a general degree, can i ? So, with the purely research-based BA hons degree, can it draw another story? it is too far tobe considered.

When i know my fren might not goin, thin pet said actually he also found this is not what he want, it is diff with what he expect, honestly, i have a thought to give up, too. very fast,i get myself into reality-I've paid, nothign i can do now other than follow my plan, what i've planned.
Im still the one who take challengesssss, to be an eagle, you hav to overcum the strong wind that flowed against you direction. Thx to [U] who willing to be the wind beneath my wings.^^
So, against all odd, i'll be goin UK.
To escape what i hate here, To get [some] i wan there.

so, at the time of 0143, i resume to my reading.@@